AYE!
so i'm up and it's well past 4 am. df am i doing up? man my body feels like shit, and i can't seem to fall asleep. i've been listening to the same songs on repeat & i have a feeling that i'm going to start thinking too much...yet again.
ugh, i know one thing though. it sucks ass being up alone. i mean, people are on yahoo and shit. but to be totally honest, i don't even feel like talking to them or anyone right now. =/ but i just complained about being alone? i'm trippin mayne. maybe i'll stay up for 24 hours or some shit. only 4 1/2 more hours to go. ha, i doubt i'd make it.
i wonder what's on cartoon network, well adult swim. i suppose i'll turn the tv on in a bit when i finishing blogging this incredible stupid blog about a bunch of nothingness. -sigh- but i have nothing else to do. i already tried browsing CS to look for some cute hoes to look at, but mannnn i don't even wanna look at no hoes.
UGH AND JOSH YOU BETTER BE CAREFUL!
i wish i had some pizza, cause my stomach is growling. it's too late to eat dinner & it's too early to eat breakfast. i suppose i'll starve til i see the sun rise.
that is all.
Saturday, December 27, 2008
tried to tell you i'm hood
whats the move shawty. mayne i've been staying up hella late alot lately kickin it with Telly and shit on the phone laughing and making all kinds of jokes. that's my number one nigga mayne, on some real g shit. we've had sooooo many inside jokes and shit in the past two days it's ridiculoussss. i swear we need our own reality show for all the crazy shit that we talk about & for all the shit that happens whenever we get together.
STORY #1
me : "aye, remember when me & Telly went to Columbus?"
me : "...I mean..."
-silence-
him : "yeah? when yall go to Columbus?"
me : [whispers to Telly] "...damn, i fucked up huh?"
Telly : "we at the mall and shit, up at Macy's at Stonecrest Mall."
-me & Telly cracking up-
DEAD!
STORY #2
folks crazy man lemme tell you something. ROFL, so Telly mom bought her some days of the week drawls for christmas! deaddddd. i thought it was a pretty crunk gift, i'd wear the fuck up out them panties, real talk. lmao, but Telly ass mad as hell.
"hell naw Ashlee, she tried me. she bought me and XL, i wear a MEDIUM!"
i died a thousand deaths, no lie. i could hear her mom talking in the background talking.
"they're MUDD panties, so i figured that they ran small."
and that's when my ass chimed in.
"oh hell yeah, i bought some MUDD panties in my size [medium of course] shawty, i tried to put the bitches on and they clamped so tight on my pussy. shit left red marks all up on my skin, i had to cut them bitches off with some scissors"
DEATHHHHHHHH! true story man. =[ those panties are the devil in disguise.
STORY #3
i'm saying though, so we're on the phone and shit and i don't know why, but we started talking about "the perfect nigga" well, at least the physical aspects at least. this is what we came up with.
me : a dread head girl
Telly : some sexy crinkle dreads with a rubber band in his head to hold his dreads back
me : yesss girl, lawdddd
Telly : with a Polo on with some khaki's and some Prada shoes
me : or some Gucci shoes, yenno the red, green and black ones but he gotta have jeans on with the rips in em
Telly : wearing a thermal with the Gucci belt to match...UNBUCKLED though
me : ohhh yes! make him sexy light skinned
Telly : naw
me : you right, you right...sexy caramel with a tattoo on his neck AND his hand
Telly : oh yes girl, i like a tat on the neck. and he gotta have his ears pierced BOTH sides
me : and when he roll his thermal up he's sleeved up on BOTH arms, black & gray only
Telly : maybe some red
me : NO!
Telly : no red?
me : okay, maybe on his neck tattoo
Telly : ooooh, mhm
me : and he gotta have a goatee, i like them shits. oh and he gotta be tall girl, like 6'4 or 6'5
Telly : hell yeah
me : not skinny like a basketball player, his body gotta be on point
Telly : yeah girl
me : he can have a football player body, yenno like a wide receiver or some shit anddd he's 23. that's a good age right?
Telly : yeah, we don't want him too old
me : what about 24 or 25?
Telly : don't make him over 25 girl
me : aight girl, he's either 23 or 24, i don't care
Telly : what car he drive girl?
me : an Avalanche girl, a white one
Telly : oh hell yeah
me : and he's waiting to pick his car up from valet & he's holding a Tiffany's bag
Telly: wait, what the fuck? did you see this nigga or something?
DEADDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!
STORY #4
so Telly talked to one our homeboys right? i swear Telly can be an airhead sometimes, but i'ma let her slide with this one since she's around babies monday-friday. anyway, so this nigga tell her, "i brought the best pull up kit today." you know what this ho said?!
"you mean like the diapers?"
dhfvogvjrwlgtmergoml! right over her head.
STORY #5
this is just a random, it's nothing recent or anything but this shit is soooo funny.
pause. -takes a shot of smirnoff-
but yeah, like i was saying, so i spent like a three day weekend over at Telly's last summer. yenno, just to get away or whatever from Paulette.
"what is that bottle of liquor doing in your room Ashlee?"
[mind you i was under 21 at the time] "uhh...ion'eem know mom."
"POUR IT OUT!"
shittin me, i'm a alcohol feen, so a bitch like me poured that shit in an empty hawaiian punch bottle & brought it with me to Telly's house. we drank with her brother outside on the curb g. some straight hood g shit. i tried to tell yall i'm hood. anyway, Telly mixed that shit with a lil lemonade made her brother [shout outs to him] & lemme tell you that shit was knockin.
but yeah, jane came to visit Telly that night or early that next morning. whichever, cause i don't remember. i just remember waking up and it was still dark out and feeling her get up out the bed. this bitch took the blanket with her, and returned 30 minutes later with the blanket around her sittin at the foot of the bed rockin back and forth. so i'm worried and shit cause she's rocking like she's insane.
me : Telly you aight man? -rubs eyes-
Telly ass just rockin.
me : you aight man?
Telly STILL silent.
me : oh aight then.
ROFL, my fucking ass goes right back to sleep. =[ ily Telly.
...
so last night me & Josh had our first fight. -sigh- it really sucked, but it really wasn't that bad of a fight compared to other couple's fights per se. i dunno, i guess we were both in bad moods. we basically just didn't talk to each other. i told him not to hit me later. -frowns- i suck man. it was really hard not talking to him and being without him last night. especially after i spend SOOOO much time talking to him. it's weird though, cause he didn't chase after me. it's only weird because i'm used to guys always chasing after me when i get mad, but his ass really didn't hit me up til the next morning. i learned my lesson, but i respect that shit. him not chasing me, that is. that's some real nigga shit. -smiles- like a bitch was sayin, i can't be without my baby. i know that for sure.
...
today was cool though, i took Prada shopping today. that's my little man yo. we balled out at mother fucking PetSmart. i got him some clothes, sweaters, booties, a new collar, new leash, some toys & some dog treats. he's gotta have a ballin ass christmas too, shit.
* ROFL, Josh can't stand Prada. he told me he's gonna kick him out =[. over my dead body Josh! he's just jealous cause Prada gets to lay up on my boobies and sleep between my legs & in the bed with me at night. <3 i dunno why Josh is so jealous, he knows when he comes to Atlanta & scoops me in the Charger -dead- that he can lay up with me ALLLLL day if he wants to.
STORY #1
me : "aye, remember when me & Telly went to Columbus?"
me : "...I mean..."
-silence-
him : "yeah? when yall go to Columbus?"
me : [whispers to Telly] "...damn, i fucked up huh?"
Telly : "we at the mall and shit, up at Macy's at Stonecrest Mall."
-me & Telly cracking up-
DEAD!
STORY #2
folks crazy man lemme tell you something. ROFL, so Telly mom bought her some days of the week drawls for christmas! deaddddd. i thought it was a pretty crunk gift, i'd wear the fuck up out them panties, real talk. lmao, but Telly ass mad as hell.
"hell naw Ashlee, she tried me. she bought me and XL, i wear a MEDIUM!"
i died a thousand deaths, no lie. i could hear her mom talking in the background talking.
"they're MUDD panties, so i figured that they ran small."
and that's when my ass chimed in.
"oh hell yeah, i bought some MUDD panties in my size [medium of course] shawty, i tried to put the bitches on and they clamped so tight on my pussy. shit left red marks all up on my skin, i had to cut them bitches off with some scissors"
DEATHHHHHHHH! true story man. =[ those panties are the devil in disguise.
STORY #3
i'm saying though, so we're on the phone and shit and i don't know why, but we started talking about "the perfect nigga" well, at least the physical aspects at least. this is what we came up with.
me : a dread head girl
Telly : some sexy crinkle dreads with a rubber band in his head to hold his dreads back
me : yesss girl, lawdddd
Telly : with a Polo on with some khaki's and some Prada shoes
me : or some Gucci shoes, yenno the red, green and black ones but he gotta have jeans on with the rips in em
Telly : wearing a thermal with the Gucci belt to match...UNBUCKLED though
me : ohhh yes! make him sexy light skinned
Telly : naw
me : you right, you right...sexy caramel with a tattoo on his neck AND his hand
Telly : oh yes girl, i like a tat on the neck. and he gotta have his ears pierced BOTH sides
me : and when he roll his thermal up he's sleeved up on BOTH arms, black & gray only
Telly : maybe some red
me : NO!
Telly : no red?
me : okay, maybe on his neck tattoo
Telly : ooooh, mhm
me : and he gotta have a goatee, i like them shits. oh and he gotta be tall girl, like 6'4 or 6'5
Telly : hell yeah
me : not skinny like a basketball player, his body gotta be on point
Telly : yeah girl
me : he can have a football player body, yenno like a wide receiver or some shit anddd he's 23. that's a good age right?
Telly : yeah, we don't want him too old
me : what about 24 or 25?
Telly : don't make him over 25 girl
me : aight girl, he's either 23 or 24, i don't care
Telly : what car he drive girl?
me : an Avalanche girl, a white one
Telly : oh hell yeah
me : and he's waiting to pick his car up from valet & he's holding a Tiffany's bag
Telly: wait, what the fuck? did you see this nigga or something?
DEADDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!
STORY #4
so Telly talked to one our homeboys right? i swear Telly can be an airhead sometimes, but i'ma let her slide with this one since she's around babies monday-friday. anyway, so this nigga tell her, "i brought the best pull up kit today." you know what this ho said?!
"you mean like the diapers?"
dhfvogvjrwlgtmergoml! right over her head.
STORY #5
this is just a random, it's nothing recent or anything but this shit is soooo funny.
pause. -takes a shot of smirnoff-
but yeah, like i was saying, so i spent like a three day weekend over at Telly's last summer. yenno, just to get away or whatever from Paulette.
"what is that bottle of liquor doing in your room Ashlee?"
[mind you i was under 21 at the time] "uhh...ion'eem know mom."
"POUR IT OUT!"
shittin me, i'm a alcohol feen, so a bitch like me poured that shit in an empty hawaiian punch bottle & brought it with me to Telly's house. we drank with her brother outside on the curb g. some straight hood g shit. i tried to tell yall i'm hood. anyway, Telly mixed that shit with a lil lemonade made her brother [shout outs to him] & lemme tell you that shit was knockin.
but yeah, jane came to visit Telly that night or early that next morning. whichever, cause i don't remember. i just remember waking up and it was still dark out and feeling her get up out the bed. this bitch took the blanket with her, and returned 30 minutes later with the blanket around her sittin at the foot of the bed rockin back and forth. so i'm worried and shit cause she's rocking like she's insane.
me : Telly you aight man? -rubs eyes-
Telly ass just rockin.
me : you aight man?
Telly STILL silent.
me : oh aight then.
ROFL, my fucking ass goes right back to sleep. =[ ily Telly.
...
so last night me & Josh had our first fight. -sigh- it really sucked, but it really wasn't that bad of a fight compared to other couple's fights per se. i dunno, i guess we were both in bad moods. we basically just didn't talk to each other. i told him not to hit me later. -frowns- i suck man. it was really hard not talking to him and being without him last night. especially after i spend SOOOO much time talking to him. it's weird though, cause he didn't chase after me. it's only weird because i'm used to guys always chasing after me when i get mad, but his ass really didn't hit me up til the next morning. i learned my lesson, but i respect that shit. him not chasing me, that is. that's some real nigga shit. -smiles- like a bitch was sayin, i can't be without my baby. i know that for sure.
...
today was cool though, i took Prada shopping today. that's my little man yo. we balled out at mother fucking PetSmart. i got him some clothes, sweaters, booties, a new collar, new leash, some toys & some dog treats. he's gotta have a ballin ass christmas too, shit.
* ROFL, Josh can't stand Prada. he told me he's gonna kick him out =[. over my dead body Josh! he's just jealous cause Prada gets to lay up on my boobies and sleep between my legs & in the bed with me at night. <3 i dunno why Josh is so jealous, he knows when he comes to Atlanta & scoops me in the Charger -dead- that he can lay up with me ALLLLL day if he wants to.
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Mimi <3
iloveyoumimi. iloveyoumimi. iloveyoumimi. iloveyoumimi. iloveyoumimi. iloveyoumimi. iloveyoumimi. iloveyoumimi. iloveyoumimi. iloveyoumimi. iloveyoumimi. iloveyoumimi. iloveyoumimi. iloveyoumimi. iloveyoumimi. iloveyoumimi. iloveyoumimi. iloveyoumimi. iloveyoumimi. iloveyoumimi.
i'm going to finish your blog tomorrow bew.
<3
12262008 : i promised i would do this blog so here i am. -smiles- me & Mimi are totally soul mates. we always run to each other with our men problems or just to gossip about our men. so, if you and i kick it like that & shit -cough- thatmeansyoujosh -cough- thennnnnn chances are Mimi knows about you.
anyway, i super love Mimi alot yo. plus she thinks i'm really wise. -blushes- i thought i sucked at this advice thing, but according to her, i'm pretty good at it. it's a good feeling to always help a friend in need.
ROFL, this bitch never remembers any of the shit we do together. i swear. like today i was talking to her and i was like, "remember when we watched rock of love together?" she straight up gave a bitch the straight face & was like, "you got me confused with your other bitches" deathhhh. i had to tell her what that specific episode was about for her to remember. it really breaks my heart Mimi!
=[ i think i love you more than you love me. sikeeee! you better love me guhl.
oh anddd, we're starting over or what not with our life with new and improved hot boysssss and have came to an agreement that we were gonna keep them if they don't do anything stupid. hahaha, no seriously though.
*Josh you can go ahead and get me a ring boo, we're in this for the LONG run.
te amo mucho Dimitri.
i'm going to finish your blog tomorrow bew.
<3
12262008 : i promised i would do this blog so here i am. -smiles- me & Mimi are totally soul mates. we always run to each other with our men problems or just to gossip about our men. so, if you and i kick it like that & shit -cough- thatmeansyoujosh -cough- thennnnnn chances are Mimi knows about you.
anyway, i super love Mimi alot yo. plus she thinks i'm really wise. -blushes- i thought i sucked at this advice thing, but according to her, i'm pretty good at it. it's a good feeling to always help a friend in need.
ROFL, this bitch never remembers any of the shit we do together. i swear. like today i was talking to her and i was like, "remember when we watched rock of love together?" she straight up gave a bitch the straight face & was like, "you got me confused with your other bitches" deathhhh. i had to tell her what that specific episode was about for her to remember. it really breaks my heart Mimi!
=[ i think i love you more than you love me. sikeeee! you better love me guhl.
oh anddd, we're starting over or what not with our life with new and improved hot boysssss and have came to an agreement that we were gonna keep them if they don't do anything stupid. hahaha, no seriously though.
*Josh you can go ahead and get me a ring boo, we're in this for the LONG run.
te amo mucho Dimitri.
you lose
me & Josh's yahoo conversation.
cloud.kapri (12/25/2008 2:20:20 AM): WTF @ these hoes tryna holla at a gay nigga
josh (12/25/2008 2:21:00 AM): nigga where you at?
cloud.kapri (12/25/2008 2:21:09 AM): at home, i'm lookin on cs
josh (12/25/2008 2:21:23 AM): oh lmao
cloud.kapri (12/25/2008 2:21:35 AM): lmao @ you tryna get mad
cloud.kapri (12/25/2008 2:22:01 AM): "nigga where you at?" "take your fucking ass in the house"
josh (12/25/2008 2:22:04 AM): cause these creepin hrs
cloud.kapri (12/25/2008 2:22:15 AM): lmao @ that, i aint creepin
cloud.kapri (12/25/2008 2:22:21 AM): if i'm up, i'm up talkin to you
josh (12/25/2008 2:22:26 AM): you betta be home, shit
cloud.kapri (12/25/2008 2:22:34 AM): here you goooo
josh (12/25/2008 2:22:59 AM): im saying
cloud.kapri (12/25/2008 2:23:09 AM): lol
cloud.kapri (12/25/2008 2:23:14 AM): im bloggin this
josh (12/25/2008 2:24:01 AM): its 230
josh (12/25/2008 2:24:04 AM): its 230
josh (12/25/2008 2:24:21 AM): whats open this late
josh (12/25/2008 2:24:31 AM): legs
cloud.kapri (12/25/2008 2:24:35 AM): waffle house
cloud.kapri (12/25/2008 2:24:38 AM): wal mart
cloud.kapri (12/25/2008 2:24:42 AM): LMFAOOO @ legs
josh (12/25/2008 2:24:51 AM): so nah, you betta be home
josh (12/25/2008 2:25:31 AM): nigga dnt nobody be in walmart at 230
josh (12/25/2008 2:26:05 AM): xcept for truckers, whores, fiends
cloud.kapri (12/25/2008 2:26:16 AM): we goin at 2:30 am
josh (12/25/2008 2:26:26 AM): case closed, josh wins
anyway, i decided to prove him wrong or whatever. yenno, basically just to say "YOU LOSE JOSH" <3 ily anyway.
and yeah i know i look busted, but it's past 3 am. screw you. <^>
cloud.kapri (12/25/2008 2:20:20 AM): WTF @ these hoes tryna holla at a gay nigga
josh (12/25/2008 2:21:00 AM): nigga where you at?
cloud.kapri (12/25/2008 2:21:09 AM): at home, i'm lookin on cs
josh (12/25/2008 2:21:23 AM): oh lmao
cloud.kapri (12/25/2008 2:21:35 AM): lmao @ you tryna get mad
cloud.kapri (12/25/2008 2:22:01 AM): "nigga where you at?" "take your fucking ass in the house"
josh (12/25/2008 2:22:04 AM): cause these creepin hrs
cloud.kapri (12/25/2008 2:22:15 AM): lmao @ that, i aint creepin
cloud.kapri (12/25/2008 2:22:21 AM): if i'm up, i'm up talkin to you
josh (12/25/2008 2:22:26 AM): you betta be home, shit
cloud.kapri (12/25/2008 2:22:34 AM): here you goooo
josh (12/25/2008 2:22:59 AM): im saying
cloud.kapri (12/25/2008 2:23:09 AM): lol
cloud.kapri (12/25/2008 2:23:14 AM): im bloggin this
josh (12/25/2008 2:24:01 AM): its 230
josh (12/25/2008 2:24:04 AM): its 230
josh (12/25/2008 2:24:21 AM): whats open this late
josh (12/25/2008 2:24:31 AM): legs
cloud.kapri (12/25/2008 2:24:35 AM): waffle house
cloud.kapri (12/25/2008 2:24:38 AM): wal mart
cloud.kapri (12/25/2008 2:24:42 AM): LMFAOOO @ legs
josh (12/25/2008 2:24:51 AM): so nah, you betta be home
josh (12/25/2008 2:25:31 AM): nigga dnt nobody be in walmart at 230
josh (12/25/2008 2:26:05 AM): xcept for truckers, whores, fiends
cloud.kapri (12/25/2008 2:26:16 AM): we goin at 2:30 am
josh (12/25/2008 2:26:26 AM): case closed, josh wins
anyway, i decided to prove him wrong or whatever. yenno, basically just to say "YOU LOSE JOSH" <3 ily anyway.
and yeah i know i look busted, but it's past 3 am. screw you. <^>
Monday, December 22, 2008
i caught myself
-pours a glass of smirnoff vodka & pineapple juice-
so i just got out the shower, and i did some thinking. i almost forgot that i went and bought this bottle saturday night. anyone who knows me, knows i like to get my sippy sip on & what not. shit, i suppose it's a release.
-pause-
i take that back, because i just sounded like i was dependent on alcohol. and i aint no alcoholic. ya feel me?
anyway, like i was saying. i'm about to drink a lil bit tonight, despite what anyone thinks. just for the mere fact that there is alot on my mind. yeah, i caught myself.
random brain fart:
Josh called me saturday. helllll yeah, lol. nigga had me blushing and shit on the phone. <3
him : "ay, i love you."
me: "i love you too."
him: "i love you baby"
me: -giggles- "i love you too."
he's so funny, trying to talk shit. talking about he aint puttin them christmas lights up for the kids. lol, he already knows the deal. and guess what though. them lights up too. deathhhh.
back to what i started, i've been thinking alot. maybe i feel all emo because i've been listening to Paramore for like 3 hours straight. fucking love them. i dunno man, it's like everything from last week is really coming down on me. especially with my best friend and shit and what's been going on with her. and thennn, the news i got from my endocrine doctor on friday. nothing is going right man, for anyone close to me.
i wish there was something i could do to make everyone happy. i wish there was a magic lamp i could just rub with a magic genie who would grant me 3 wishes. there is so much i wish for. i wish i were a child again, that way i would have no worries. i wish i didn't cry so much, because it makes me feel like a bitch. but most of all, i wish i didn't have to wish for anything. there is nothing more i want in the world then to see my daughter grow up happy and for my friends and family to live good. real shit. but damn, i can't help but think that somehow, my life is slowly being taken away from me piece by piece with every doctor visit.
*this chest pain is killing me, like on some real. but like Telly, i suck that shit up cause i'ma G. i'm not afraid of dying anymore, i'm just afraid of what will happen when i die. like that's after death & shit. but most of all, i'm afraid to be without Taylor. on some real shit homes. but i'm good as long as i have her & we have each other.
you know what else i wish for? i wish i could just have Josh here with me. to hold me and tell me that everything is going to be okay. lol, that's some sappy ass shit. but you know, for some reason if he were to tell me everything was going to be okay, i'd believe him. and i wish my bestfriend would smile and not hurt so bad. that shit really hurts me man.
well i finished my cup, so i guess i'm out.
so i just got out the shower, and i did some thinking. i almost forgot that i went and bought this bottle saturday night. anyone who knows me, knows i like to get my sippy sip on & what not. shit, i suppose it's a release.
-pause-
i take that back, because i just sounded like i was dependent on alcohol. and i aint no alcoholic. ya feel me?
anyway, like i was saying. i'm about to drink a lil bit tonight, despite what anyone thinks. just for the mere fact that there is alot on my mind. yeah, i caught myself.
random brain fart:
Josh called me saturday. helllll yeah, lol. nigga had me blushing and shit on the phone. <3
him : "ay, i love you."
me: "i love you too."
him: "i love you baby"
me: -giggles- "i love you too."
he's so funny, trying to talk shit. talking about he aint puttin them christmas lights up for the kids. lol, he already knows the deal. and guess what though. them lights up too. deathhhh.
back to what i started, i've been thinking alot. maybe i feel all emo because i've been listening to Paramore for like 3 hours straight. fucking love them. i dunno man, it's like everything from last week is really coming down on me. especially with my best friend and shit and what's been going on with her. and thennn, the news i got from my endocrine doctor on friday. nothing is going right man, for anyone close to me.
i wish there was something i could do to make everyone happy. i wish there was a magic lamp i could just rub with a magic genie who would grant me 3 wishes. there is so much i wish for. i wish i were a child again, that way i would have no worries. i wish i didn't cry so much, because it makes me feel like a bitch. but most of all, i wish i didn't have to wish for anything. there is nothing more i want in the world then to see my daughter grow up happy and for my friends and family to live good. real shit. but damn, i can't help but think that somehow, my life is slowly being taken away from me piece by piece with every doctor visit.
*this chest pain is killing me, like on some real. but like Telly, i suck that shit up cause i'ma G. i'm not afraid of dying anymore, i'm just afraid of what will happen when i die. like that's after death & shit. but most of all, i'm afraid to be without Taylor. on some real shit homes. but i'm good as long as i have her & we have each other.
you know what else i wish for? i wish i could just have Josh here with me. to hold me and tell me that everything is going to be okay. lol, that's some sappy ass shit. but you know, for some reason if he were to tell me everything was going to be okay, i'd believe him. and i wish my bestfriend would smile and not hurt so bad. that shit really hurts me man.
well i finished my cup, so i guess i'm out.
i fucked up
i talked to my bestfriend Telly today, finally. i figured that i would give her some space, but now i see that maybe that wasn't the best thing to do. anyway, i was really happy that i talked to her because she's my bestfriend and is a big deal in my life.
i was talking to Josh about her, asking him if i should talk to her. i dunno man, it's really hard when you feel like your best friend hates you. especially when it's your fault.
anyway, so i saw her status on yahoo, which made me worried. so i figured i'd bite the bullet and write her. plus i've been wanting to check up on her anyway [after reading her blogs & shit like that].
after talking to her, i realize how much she really needed me and how selfish i've been. yenno, treating my problems as if they were the only ones that existed. anyway, i feel super horrible. but it was nice to be able to talk to her & have her share her feelings with me and include me in what was going in her life. i love her alot man, and i really care about her. it hurt so much to see her hurting and for me to see how bad of a friend i was being.
anyway, i think i was able to help a little with the situation, with some research i had done. hopefully that brings her up a bit, cause she's really down. i'm just really sorry. and i love you alot Telly.
trust me, things will get better. i'm not really religious or anything, but like my moma says : God never puts you through anything that you can't handle.
Saturday, December 20, 2008
him
i can't help but to turn right back around and do this again; blogging that is. i just feel like i'm not done. or should i say, given the proper shout outs or what have you.
so i've been thinking about this one dude in particular alot lately. and when i mean alot, i mean alot alot alot alot. i think about him more than i think about sex. shittt, probably even more than your mom thinks about sex. haha, word.
*seriously though, it's like one of those things when you feel an instant connection with someone. its so crazy. unreal even, just how perfect he is. and i know it seems really chiche to say this, but he's different. like, really different. and i know people say all the time, "oh babe, you're just like me" and "we're so much alike." but the thing is him and i are soooooo much alike. i even noticed it when him and i first met, when we used to clown about any and everything. i mean, talking crazy to each other, name calling, the whole nine man. it's ironic how these kinds of friendships progress into real life situations where two people catch feelings for one another. really deep.
but anyway, we were talking yesterday and were discussing how we got to where we are today. it's funny actually because neither one of us really knows. lol, i suggested it was back when we started this particular joke : he was telling me that he wanted to have kids really bad, but with some cool chick. yenno, so there would be no baby moma drama & what not. since him and i were so cool, and of course me being who i am, i volunteered to be his baby moma. calling him my future baby daddy and everything. only catch was i told him that he had to buy me house & a new car lol. the funnier part is that he acutally agreed to it.
4 weeks later, we're totally inseparable. "timing is everything."
i can honestly say that i can talk to dude all day and all night about anything, and that's exactly what we do. we talk about whatever is on our minds, with an occasionally mushiness here & there. i'm a g though, but i gotta admit he got me hella mushy. anddddd the same goes from him too. i can't help it though.
-sigh-
he makes me so happy, like really happy. i find myself smiling everytime i talk to him. and i could really get used to him. naw, i'm already used to him. he's already apart of my daily routine.
-smiles- that's my baby, and everyone knows.
it's interesting really, because him and i both had trust issues, even with one another. it's not that we didn't trust each other at all, just second guessing each other and wondering where we both stood in each other's life. i pretty much trust him though. plus, he knows the rules anyway. LMAO, yeah nigga we got rules.
1. no bitches/no niggas
2. no fighting [that one is for him]
3. no drinking/no smoking [for me]
we've both decided to take things slowly, so we can do this thing the right way. we're not together, but we're not going to see other people. like cut buddies, or some shit. LMAO! nah i'm playin though. but on a serious note, i'd snatch a bitch up over him =/ i dunno why i'm a violent lil chick when it comes to him.
*well he just hit me up on yahoo, i suppose i'll continue this blog another time. because trust me, there is sooooo much more to say. so get your barf bags ready hater. hi hater!
oh, i almost forgot. i love you Josh. like, i really do baby.
lol, in case you were wondering who "him" is.
so i've been thinking about this one dude in particular alot lately. and when i mean alot, i mean alot alot alot alot. i think about him more than i think about sex. shittt, probably even more than your mom thinks about sex. haha, word.
*seriously though, it's like one of those things when you feel an instant connection with someone. its so crazy. unreal even, just how perfect he is. and i know it seems really chiche to say this, but he's different. like, really different. and i know people say all the time, "oh babe, you're just like me" and "we're so much alike." but the thing is him and i are soooooo much alike. i even noticed it when him and i first met, when we used to clown about any and everything. i mean, talking crazy to each other, name calling, the whole nine man. it's ironic how these kinds of friendships progress into real life situations where two people catch feelings for one another. really deep.
but anyway, we were talking yesterday and were discussing how we got to where we are today. it's funny actually because neither one of us really knows. lol, i suggested it was back when we started this particular joke : he was telling me that he wanted to have kids really bad, but with some cool chick. yenno, so there would be no baby moma drama & what not. since him and i were so cool, and of course me being who i am, i volunteered to be his baby moma. calling him my future baby daddy and everything. only catch was i told him that he had to buy me house & a new car lol. the funnier part is that he acutally agreed to it.
4 weeks later, we're totally inseparable. "timing is everything."
i can honestly say that i can talk to dude all day and all night about anything, and that's exactly what we do. we talk about whatever is on our minds, with an occasionally mushiness here & there. i'm a g though, but i gotta admit he got me hella mushy. anddddd the same goes from him too. i can't help it though.
-sigh-
he makes me so happy, like really happy. i find myself smiling everytime i talk to him. and i could really get used to him. naw, i'm already used to him. he's already apart of my daily routine.
-smiles- that's my baby, and everyone knows.
it's interesting really, because him and i both had trust issues, even with one another. it's not that we didn't trust each other at all, just second guessing each other and wondering where we both stood in each other's life. i pretty much trust him though. plus, he knows the rules anyway. LMAO, yeah nigga we got rules.
1. no bitches/no niggas
2. no fighting [that one is for him]
3. no drinking/no smoking [for me]
we've both decided to take things slowly, so we can do this thing the right way. we're not together, but we're not going to see other people. like cut buddies, or some shit. LMAO! nah i'm playin though. but on a serious note, i'd snatch a bitch up over him =/ i dunno why i'm a violent lil chick when it comes to him.
*well he just hit me up on yahoo, i suppose i'll continue this blog another time. because trust me, there is sooooo much more to say. so get your barf bags ready hater. hi hater!
oh, i almost forgot. i love you Josh. like, i really do baby.
lol, in case you were wondering who "him" is.
Friday, December 19, 2008
mhm
haven't really blogged in a minute, so i guess now is a good time. plus Josh told me i should.
anyway, this week started off really bad. eh, and the rest of the week? let's just say i've had my up and down moments. but, aint no point in elaborating. everyone has problems/issues, right? aint no point in treating mine as if they're greater than anyone elses.
-sigh- my bestfriend don't wanna fuck with me for awhile. my bad for not calling you back man, and for not being good friend. but i guess i can see her point.
Josh and I have been spending alot of our time together, laughing & making each other happy. he keeps my mind off alot of bullshit in my life. it's really nice to have someone who cares about you & your well being. like foreal.
*i dunno man, i feel kind of cut off from the world. it's like i can't spill myself out like i could before. maybe i should just deal with my own shit, and give this shit a rest or something.
cry about it, deal with it, get over it.
right? yeah.
anyway, this week started off really bad. eh, and the rest of the week? let's just say i've had my up and down moments. but, aint no point in elaborating. everyone has problems/issues, right? aint no point in treating mine as if they're greater than anyone elses.
-sigh- my bestfriend don't wanna fuck with me for awhile. my bad for not calling you back man, and for not being good friend. but i guess i can see her point.
Josh and I have been spending alot of our time together, laughing & making each other happy. he keeps my mind off alot of bullshit in my life. it's really nice to have someone who cares about you & your well being. like foreal.
*i dunno man, i feel kind of cut off from the world. it's like i can't spill myself out like i could before. maybe i should just deal with my own shit, and give this shit a rest or something.
cry about it, deal with it, get over it.
right? yeah.
Monday, December 15, 2008
loser, loser
so i go to pick Tay up from school, and man i miss her so much. if you don't know, that little girl is my world. anyway, she's all happy to see me & runs and gives me a big ol hug! talk about happy, man that's what i've been needing all day.
anyway, we always race to the car or whatever. LOL, so we always break after we go through the doors, right? mannnnn, i take off and this girl trips me! ROFL, i fall flat on the concrete and she dashes to the car.
"LOSER! LOSER! "
that's all i hear, as i see lil shawty jumping up and down by my car.
-shrugs- all is fair in games with four year olds.
look at my baby, it's safe to say there is no longer stress in my life. i've missed her all weekend, but now i got my baby back.
* i'll holla
real fucked up mayne
i knew today was gonna be a fucked up day because for one: i went to bed with a fuck shit ass attitude, two: woke up late for work with a fuck shit attitude. smh, shit man. ya bitch woke up when i was supposed to be up at the Shadow Rock Center around 6:30-ish so i was about 45 min. to an hour late for work. fuck this shit man. shout outs to my mom for calling my phone & waking me up. big ups P-Rokk.
but like i was saying, i don't understand why people insist on saying or doing what they do to me. maybe i'm just talking crazy, maybe i'm trippin, but fuck man. i'm irritated with just about everyone today. real shit.
then on top of that, one of my coworker insists that i have an anger problem. BITCH SO FUCKING WHAT IF I DO! my face been so screwed up today, i feel like i'm on some other shit. of course i excuse myself from everyone. big mistake, something i never should have done. i'm in the teacher's lounge just sittin there, staring at the vending machine and i think about why i'm so mad & why i'm so irritated. a series of events are racing through my mind starting with some bull x2 from last night, me gettin up late as fuck, my ex, just everything really.
i'm so fucked up man, like seriously. all jokes aside. my ex is really gonna catch hell mayne, i swear. karma is such a fucking bitch. because i know i'm a good ass female, the best as they come. i'm better than your ex, your next, the bitch you fucking, the bitch you used to fuck, the hoe you danced with at the club, and the bitch you cake with on late nights. and that nigga is gonna realize that shit. because right now he's fucking playing, he thinks it's a joke. he thinks i'm a fucking joke. and fuck man, that shit hurts my feelings. imagine that, MY feelings gettin hurt. yenno what i'm sayin, fuck all that, i'm a G and shit, but damn man he really hurt my feelings. this nigga on the phone with my bestfriend and shit and he don't even know i'm on the phone. they're talking on threeway with this other nigga, his "bestfriend", and this nigga is laughing at our breakup. he's laughing. you fucking serious? but he'll cry on the phone with me and tell me how sorry he is, but gets on the phone with my best fucking friend and laughing? talking about some, "oh i got other shit to do this week anyway. i aint fucking calling Ashlee no more, shit. ion'eem care, aint that right Trig?" NOT THAT I WANT HIS FUCK ASS TO CALL ME ANYWAY. i want this nigga to know how it feels when no one cares about your feelings. i want him to know how it feels when someone plays with you and lies to you. i want him to go through what i went through. i hope that nigga gets what he deserves, i hope he catches hell.
*i'm not even the type of bitch to cry over a nigga, and i'm not going to cry over his ass. but that shit right there, make a bitch really fucked up. especially when i wasn't the one that was faking it. the reality of it kills me. waiting on something that would never happen. like a fucking child who believes in Santa and finds out he isn't real. crushing.
my Daddy called me yesterday, which was good yenno. i miss my pops, so it was nice to hear his voice. my dad was talking to me about relationships which was sooo freakin weird to me. like he just knew that something was going on with me. i mean, i've never had "the talk" about guys with any of my parents, so it was kind of nice to talk to my dad about it. he basically told me not to trust anyone. "guys will use you and leave you Ashlee." couldn't have been the realest shit i've heard all damn day. then he was asking me if i was dating anyone. -sigh- "naw Daddy, i'm not."
another thing, if i like you & you know i like you i don't wanna hear about some bitch saying that she'd let you fuck. like what the fuck man, come on now. i just thought i throw that out there. and naw, a bitch wasn't trippin either.
but like i was saying, i don't understand why people insist on saying or doing what they do to me. maybe i'm just talking crazy, maybe i'm trippin, but fuck man. i'm irritated with just about everyone today. real shit.
then on top of that, one of my coworker insists that i have an anger problem. BITCH SO FUCKING WHAT IF I DO! my face been so screwed up today, i feel like i'm on some other shit. of course i excuse myself from everyone. big mistake, something i never should have done. i'm in the teacher's lounge just sittin there, staring at the vending machine and i think about why i'm so mad & why i'm so irritated. a series of events are racing through my mind starting with some bull x2 from last night, me gettin up late as fuck, my ex, just everything really.
i'm so fucked up man, like seriously. all jokes aside. my ex is really gonna catch hell mayne, i swear. karma is such a fucking bitch. because i know i'm a good ass female, the best as they come. i'm better than your ex, your next, the bitch you fucking, the bitch you used to fuck, the hoe you danced with at the club, and the bitch you cake with on late nights. and that nigga is gonna realize that shit. because right now he's fucking playing, he thinks it's a joke. he thinks i'm a fucking joke. and fuck man, that shit hurts my feelings. imagine that, MY feelings gettin hurt. yenno what i'm sayin, fuck all that, i'm a G and shit, but damn man he really hurt my feelings. this nigga on the phone with my bestfriend and shit and he don't even know i'm on the phone. they're talking on threeway with this other nigga, his "bestfriend", and this nigga is laughing at our breakup. he's laughing. you fucking serious? but he'll cry on the phone with me and tell me how sorry he is, but gets on the phone with my best fucking friend and laughing? talking about some, "oh i got other shit to do this week anyway. i aint fucking calling Ashlee no more, shit. ion'eem care, aint that right Trig?" NOT THAT I WANT HIS FUCK ASS TO CALL ME ANYWAY. i want this nigga to know how it feels when no one cares about your feelings. i want him to know how it feels when someone plays with you and lies to you. i want him to go through what i went through. i hope that nigga gets what he deserves, i hope he catches hell.
*i'm not even the type of bitch to cry over a nigga, and i'm not going to cry over his ass. but that shit right there, make a bitch really fucked up. especially when i wasn't the one that was faking it. the reality of it kills me. waiting on something that would never happen. like a fucking child who believes in Santa and finds out he isn't real. crushing.
my Daddy called me yesterday, which was good yenno. i miss my pops, so it was nice to hear his voice. my dad was talking to me about relationships which was sooo freakin weird to me. like he just knew that something was going on with me. i mean, i've never had "the talk" about guys with any of my parents, so it was kind of nice to talk to my dad about it. he basically told me not to trust anyone. "guys will use you and leave you Ashlee." couldn't have been the realest shit i've heard all damn day. then he was asking me if i was dating anyone. -sigh- "naw Daddy, i'm not."
another thing, if i like you & you know i like you i don't wanna hear about some bitch saying that she'd let you fuck. like what the fuck man, come on now. i just thought i throw that out there. and naw, a bitch wasn't trippin either.
Sunday, December 14, 2008
this nigga
man, all i want is space.
i'm trying to live my life, i'm trying to move forward. yenno, a life without bullshit, hassels, lies, etc. but fuck shit fuck man, this nigga gives me no peace. me or my fucking friends. Telly says he persistant. i don't give a flying fuck.
yesterday i don't think i have ever yelled that loud on the phone. left my voice all scratchy and what not. pissed me off even more homes.
my ex boyfriend keeps calling me, texting me ALL up in my pussy about everything. funny how shit works out. i swear i couldn't even get this nigga to come over and take a big whiff of my pussy, ugh. the thing that gets me is, how could you say you love someone so much, turn around and tell bold face lies to them and then not spend an ounce of your time with them because you're intimidated by them? how are you in love with someone you're intimidated with? that's more of an obsession.
anyway, he's always telling me how sorry he is, how he didn't mean to hurt me. telling me how hurt he is that i'm over him. he must fail to realize how much time i put into that fake ass relationship. he must fail to realize how much i bent over backwards for his ass, how i wasted a year of my life waiting for something to happen that was never going to happen. as far as i'm concerned i have put up with his bullshit entirely too fucking long. i'm through. i have already done what i have never done with anyone in my life, and that's giving him chance after chance to prove to me that he was going to change. i'm tired of giving out chances. I'M TIRED MAN.
*i'm done with his ass. he's fucked me over so many times, and those bullshit ass lies really did it for me. i'm the type of bitch if you fuck me over, i'm fucking done with your ass. no if's, and's or but's about it. feel me, G?
i'm already fucked up mentally about relationships anyway. TRUST NO HO, TRUST NO NIGGA. so you tell me how i'm ever supposed to be able to give myself to someone if i can't trust them? it's not just relationships where i have trust issues, i have trust issues period. i converse with few people, and kick it with and even smaller amount of people.
back to subject.
my ex has this problem with snooping, he's always looking for shit where he doesn't belong in the first place. previously, he has deleted his myspace and crushspot accounts. fine whatever, right? that was on him, at least he won't be stalking me asking me 21 questions about someone i converse with. him and i are broken up anyway. right? WRONG!
this nigga keeps calling me asking me if i like someone, asking me i how i am over him so fast. he can't believe it because he's so "in love with me" and "he doesn't want to be with anyone else but me." sounds like a personal problem to me. he keeps telling me how i don't understand that he's hurt. WHAT THE FUCK?! i'm the one that should be hurting. but i'm not. well, i mean, i am to a certain extent, but that's whatever. it's more like stress has been lifted off my chest.
like i was saying, he randomly calls me last night and asks me if i have a man. WHAT THE FUCK! i don't owe this nigga shit, yaddamean. i'm like, "df homes, chu asking for?" this nigga burst out into tears. i'm holding the phone frozen. i dunno how to react to grown ass men crying over me per se. especially since i'm an non-emotional bitch to him now. i'm trying to to be that rude, but i can't stand the sound of grown men crying over nothing, i ask him what's wrong with him and ask him why he's questioning me. it was then when he brings up Josh also known as n-word in cases with my ex. LMAOOOOO @ Josh [insider]. i'm livid now. of course i immediately think that he's ghost hitting Josh's crushspot page. Josh being the lovely person that he is, is an asshole and always leaves a message for my ex to read since him and i both know how snoopy this nigga is. my ex finally explains to me, after about 5 min. of him sobbing and 5 min. of me yelling at him to shut the fuck up, that he made a new crushspot page just to read my tag board and see who i've been talking to.
loco much? indeed.
so he get's to a tag from Josh and clicks reply, which sends him to Josh's tag board. Josh has a tag on his board saying "ashlee late" and posts his link to his blogspot on there. of course my ex being the courious george monkey that he is, he reads his blogs and peeps a few things about me in it that leaves the nigga butt hurt. OOPS!
all i can tell him is that he hurt his own feelings. maybe he should keep his ass off the internet, worried about the wrong things. him and i are NOT together anymore, so i shouldn't be on his lists of worries anyway. he needs to worry about his son, and not the bitch that dumped him. real talk. -smirks-
i tell Josh about it, and he's just as pissed as i am about the situation. "Males shouldn't be jealous, that's a female trait." / "if you don't love me someone else will" i don't know any better way to put this this.
FUCK! now this nigga logged on yahoo. i shall copy and paste our conversation for you guys.
Diggie: u make me feel so sad man
cloud.kapri: =/
Diggie: why u give me that face
cloud.kapri: because you
Diggie: because i what
Diggie: im so sad man
cloud.kapri: because Deshawn
cloud.kapri: you've got to be fucking kidding me
cloud.kapri: i make you sad
cloud.kapri: you're upset that i ignore you
cloud.kapri: ?
cloud.kapri: you kidding right?
cloud.kapri: all you care about are your feelings.
Diggie: im not upset
Diggie: no i dont ashlee! u wont even tell me how u feel
cloud.kapri: finally.
Diggie: im trying to talk to u
cloud.kapri: i don't have to tell you anything.
Diggie: omg why u do me like this
cloud.kapri: then yesterday the situation with Josh, you blew me.
cloud.kapri: do you like what?
cloud.kapri: DESHAWN I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU LIED TO ME OVER AND OVER AGAIN.
cloud.kapri: there is nothing you can say to me, that i will believe.
cloud.kapri: i tell you that i need space
cloud.kapri: and here you are on yahoo writing me.
cloud.kapri: you call me, and i tell you i don't want to talk.
cloud.kapri: and you text me.
cloud.kapri: then the crushspot thing.
cloud.kapri: you'be gotta be joking.
Diggie: i told u to cawl me so i can talk to you about the giving u space thing
cloud.kapri: there is nothing to talk about, give me space.
cloud.kapri: i told you, you're the boy who cried wolf to me.
cloud.kapri: then to make it worse its not like you & i ever spend time with each other.
cloud.kapri: so you lie and you don't ever see me.
cloud.kapri: =/ how does that look.
Diggie: im trying to make it right now im not tryin to be with you
Diggie: im just trying to start somewhere so i can show u
cloud.kapri: show me what?
Diggie: if u want space il give u space
Diggie: that im really trying to changre
cloud.kapri: you just sat and told Telly you were trying to get back with me?
cloud.kapri: more lies?
Diggie: no i told her that i wasnt trying to get back with you
cloud.kapri: you always say you're going to change.
cloud.kapri: you never change.
Diggie: i told her that i was just trying to make it better
cloud.kapri: if you're not trying to get back with me, then why are you worried about who i talk to, if i like someone, and if i'm with someone?
cloud.kapri: why are you so worried about Josh?
cloud.kapri: huh?
Diggie: wow ashlee we were together 11 months and in 4 days im not susposed to care if your talking to somebody else already?
Diggie: i didnt know i was susposed to get over it tht fast
cloud.kapri: smh
cloud.kapri: and?
Diggie: i didnt know it was suspoed to be ok that you like somebody else already
cloud.kapri: that's besides the point
cloud.kapri: you were snooping
cloud.kapri: for what?
cloud.kapri: why do you keep telling me you love me?
Diggie: because i do
cloud.kapri: no you don't
Diggie: yes the hell i do
cloud.kapri: =/
Diggie: u might not love me but i love u
Diggie: i fucking love you yo
cloud.kapri: i could rip the flesh off your face
Diggie: omg
cloud.kapri: i bent over backwards for you
cloud.kapri: for fucking what?
cloud.kapri: i hate being lied to
cloud.kapri: i hate wasting time
cloud.kapri: i wasted time
cloud.kapri: there is nothing you can say to me
cloud.kapri: that will make me forgive you
Diggie: OMG WHY ASHLEE
cloud.kapri: to be honest with you deshawn, you need to worry about your son and not me.
Diggie: dont worry about you?
cloud.kapri: for what?
Diggie: i love u ashlee how can i not worry about u
cloud.kapri: im not worried about you.
Diggie: ....
Diggie: damn
cloud.kapri: i dont worry about liars.
cloud.kapri: harsh, but that's truth.
cloud.kapri: see how bad it feels when no one considers your feelings?
cloud.kapri: you feel that deshawn?
cloud.kapri: cry for me the way i cried for you when i thought you were hospitalized.
cloud.kapri: that is of course til you started fucking your lie up.
Diggie: ok.
cloud.kapri: good bye deshawn.
Diggie: you know
Diggie: good bye?
Diggie: so u done with me?
cloud.kapri: did the light bulb not go off that we've been done kiddo.
Diggie: how u could u do that to me
Diggie: u breaking my heart
cloud.kapri: maybe one day i can befriend you.
cloud.kapri: i hope it breaks into a million pieces.
Diggie: omg
cloud.kapri: i hope you can't piece it back together.
Diggie: how could u say that to me
cloud.kapri: i can't imagine how i'll put mine back together.
cloud.kapri: you fucked me up so bad
cloud.kapri: i dont fucking trust anyone
cloud.kapri: do you know how that feels?
cloud.kapri: no you fucking dont
cloud.kapri: go find some bitch to cuff
Diggie: you know how it feels to have the one u think the world of to tell u they dont givah fuck about u
cloud.kapri: obviously you didnt give a fuck about me when you lied
cloud.kapri: i have so much pure resentment towards you
cloud.kapri: and you know the type of bitch i am
cloud.kapri: so don't act so shocked
cloud.kapri: like i said, good bye.
cloud.kapri: go piece your life together.
cloud.kapri: one without me.
Diggie: omg
Diggie: ashlee stop please i cant be without u i need you ASHLEE please
Diggie: i fucked up ok i never meant to hurt you im sorry
Diggie: i WAS JUST being stupid
Diggie: please
Diggie: dont be like this
Diggie: please
Diggie: ashlee please
BUZZ!!!
Diggie: ashle
Diggie: ashlee**
Diggie: ashlee please talk to me
Diggie: i dont wanna be without u i cant
Diggie: please
Diggie: please ashlee iono what to fo
Diggie: do*
Diggie: i cant even think
Diggie: please talk to me
Diggie: please answer me
Diggie: Ashlee can iplease just say something to you please
Diggie: ion want it to end like that
Diggie: just answer please
Diggie: dont do me like this please
BUZZ!!!
Diggie: ashlee
Diggie: please answer
BUZZ!!!
Diggie: ashlee
Diggie: answer please
Diggie: ashlee can i ask u sumthin
Diggie: please
Diggie: please let me just ask u this one question
Diggie: it can be on here u dont have to answer the fone
Diggie: just answer me this
Diggie: will u answer?
Diggie: u there
Diggie has signed out. (12/14/2008 4:47 PM)
they never appreciate you until you're gone.
i'm trying to live my life, i'm trying to move forward. yenno, a life without bullshit, hassels, lies, etc. but fuck shit fuck man, this nigga gives me no peace. me or my fucking friends. Telly says he persistant. i don't give a flying fuck.
yesterday i don't think i have ever yelled that loud on the phone. left my voice all scratchy and what not. pissed me off even more homes.
my ex boyfriend keeps calling me, texting me ALL up in my pussy about everything. funny how shit works out. i swear i couldn't even get this nigga to come over and take a big whiff of my pussy, ugh. the thing that gets me is, how could you say you love someone so much, turn around and tell bold face lies to them and then not spend an ounce of your time with them because you're intimidated by them? how are you in love with someone you're intimidated with? that's more of an obsession.
anyway, he's always telling me how sorry he is, how he didn't mean to hurt me. telling me how hurt he is that i'm over him. he must fail to realize how much time i put into that fake ass relationship. he must fail to realize how much i bent over backwards for his ass, how i wasted a year of my life waiting for something to happen that was never going to happen. as far as i'm concerned i have put up with his bullshit entirely too fucking long. i'm through. i have already done what i have never done with anyone in my life, and that's giving him chance after chance to prove to me that he was going to change. i'm tired of giving out chances. I'M TIRED MAN.
*i'm done with his ass. he's fucked me over so many times, and those bullshit ass lies really did it for me. i'm the type of bitch if you fuck me over, i'm fucking done with your ass. no if's, and's or but's about it. feel me, G?
i'm already fucked up mentally about relationships anyway. TRUST NO HO, TRUST NO NIGGA. so you tell me how i'm ever supposed to be able to give myself to someone if i can't trust them? it's not just relationships where i have trust issues, i have trust issues period. i converse with few people, and kick it with and even smaller amount of people.
back to subject.
my ex has this problem with snooping, he's always looking for shit where he doesn't belong in the first place. previously, he has deleted his myspace and crushspot accounts. fine whatever, right? that was on him, at least he won't be stalking me asking me 21 questions about someone i converse with. him and i are broken up anyway. right? WRONG!
this nigga keeps calling me asking me if i like someone, asking me i how i am over him so fast. he can't believe it because he's so "in love with me" and "he doesn't want to be with anyone else but me." sounds like a personal problem to me. he keeps telling me how i don't understand that he's hurt. WHAT THE FUCK?! i'm the one that should be hurting. but i'm not. well, i mean, i am to a certain extent, but that's whatever. it's more like stress has been lifted off my chest.
like i was saying, he randomly calls me last night and asks me if i have a man. WHAT THE FUCK! i don't owe this nigga shit, yaddamean. i'm like, "df homes, chu asking for?" this nigga burst out into tears. i'm holding the phone frozen. i dunno how to react to grown ass men crying over me per se. especially since i'm an non-emotional bitch to him now. i'm trying to to be that rude, but i can't stand the sound of grown men crying over nothing, i ask him what's wrong with him and ask him why he's questioning me. it was then when he brings up Josh also known as n-word in cases with my ex. LMAOOOOO @ Josh [insider]. i'm livid now. of course i immediately think that he's ghost hitting Josh's crushspot page. Josh being the lovely person that he is, is an asshole and always leaves a message for my ex to read since him and i both know how snoopy this nigga is. my ex finally explains to me, after about 5 min. of him sobbing and 5 min. of me yelling at him to shut the fuck up, that he made a new crushspot page just to read my tag board and see who i've been talking to.
loco much? indeed.
so he get's to a tag from Josh and clicks reply, which sends him to Josh's tag board. Josh has a tag on his board saying "ashlee late" and posts his link to his blogspot on there. of course my ex being the courious george monkey that he is, he reads his blogs and peeps a few things about me in it that leaves the nigga butt hurt. OOPS!
all i can tell him is that he hurt his own feelings. maybe he should keep his ass off the internet, worried about the wrong things. him and i are NOT together anymore, so i shouldn't be on his lists of worries anyway. he needs to worry about his son, and not the bitch that dumped him. real talk. -smirks-
i tell Josh about it, and he's just as pissed as i am about the situation. "Males shouldn't be jealous, that's a female trait." / "if you don't love me someone else will" i don't know any better way to put this this.
FUCK! now this nigga logged on yahoo. i shall copy and paste our conversation for you guys.
Diggie: u make me feel so sad man
cloud.kapri: =/
Diggie: why u give me that face
cloud.kapri: because you
Diggie: because i what
Diggie: im so sad man
cloud.kapri: because Deshawn
cloud.kapri: you've got to be fucking kidding me
cloud.kapri: i make you sad
cloud.kapri: you're upset that i ignore you
cloud.kapri: ?
cloud.kapri: you kidding right?
cloud.kapri: all you care about are your feelings.
Diggie: im not upset
Diggie: no i dont ashlee! u wont even tell me how u feel
cloud.kapri: finally.
Diggie: im trying to talk to u
cloud.kapri: i don't have to tell you anything.
Diggie: omg why u do me like this
cloud.kapri: then yesterday the situation with Josh, you blew me.
cloud.kapri: do you like what?
cloud.kapri: DESHAWN I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU LIED TO ME OVER AND OVER AGAIN.
cloud.kapri: there is nothing you can say to me, that i will believe.
cloud.kapri: i tell you that i need space
cloud.kapri: and here you are on yahoo writing me.
cloud.kapri: you call me, and i tell you i don't want to talk.
cloud.kapri: and you text me.
cloud.kapri: then the crushspot thing.
cloud.kapri: you'be gotta be joking.
Diggie: i told u to cawl me so i can talk to you about the giving u space thing
cloud.kapri: there is nothing to talk about, give me space.
cloud.kapri: i told you, you're the boy who cried wolf to me.
cloud.kapri: then to make it worse its not like you & i ever spend time with each other.
cloud.kapri: so you lie and you don't ever see me.
cloud.kapri: =/ how does that look.
Diggie: im trying to make it right now im not tryin to be with you
Diggie: im just trying to start somewhere so i can show u
cloud.kapri: show me what?
Diggie: if u want space il give u space
Diggie: that im really trying to changre
cloud.kapri: you just sat and told Telly you were trying to get back with me?
cloud.kapri: more lies?
Diggie: no i told her that i wasnt trying to get back with you
cloud.kapri: you always say you're going to change.
cloud.kapri: you never change.
Diggie: i told her that i was just trying to make it better
cloud.kapri: if you're not trying to get back with me, then why are you worried about who i talk to, if i like someone, and if i'm with someone?
cloud.kapri: why are you so worried about Josh?
cloud.kapri: huh?
Diggie: wow ashlee we were together 11 months and in 4 days im not susposed to care if your talking to somebody else already?
Diggie: i didnt know i was susposed to get over it tht fast
cloud.kapri: smh
cloud.kapri: and?
Diggie: i didnt know it was suspoed to be ok that you like somebody else already
cloud.kapri: that's besides the point
cloud.kapri: you were snooping
cloud.kapri: for what?
cloud.kapri: why do you keep telling me you love me?
Diggie: because i do
cloud.kapri: no you don't
Diggie: yes the hell i do
cloud.kapri: =/
Diggie: u might not love me but i love u
Diggie: i fucking love you yo
cloud.kapri: i could rip the flesh off your face
Diggie: omg
cloud.kapri: i bent over backwards for you
cloud.kapri: for fucking what?
cloud.kapri: i hate being lied to
cloud.kapri: i hate wasting time
cloud.kapri: i wasted time
cloud.kapri: there is nothing you can say to me
cloud.kapri: that will make me forgive you
Diggie: OMG WHY ASHLEE
cloud.kapri: to be honest with you deshawn, you need to worry about your son and not me.
Diggie: dont worry about you?
cloud.kapri: for what?
Diggie: i love u ashlee how can i not worry about u
cloud.kapri: im not worried about you.
Diggie: ....
Diggie: damn
cloud.kapri: i dont worry about liars.
cloud.kapri: harsh, but that's truth.
cloud.kapri: see how bad it feels when no one considers your feelings?
cloud.kapri: you feel that deshawn?
cloud.kapri: cry for me the way i cried for you when i thought you were hospitalized.
cloud.kapri: that is of course til you started fucking your lie up.
Diggie: ok.
cloud.kapri: good bye deshawn.
Diggie: you know
Diggie: good bye?
Diggie: so u done with me?
cloud.kapri: did the light bulb not go off that we've been done kiddo.
Diggie: how u could u do that to me
Diggie: u breaking my heart
cloud.kapri: maybe one day i can befriend you.
cloud.kapri: i hope it breaks into a million pieces.
Diggie: omg
cloud.kapri: i hope you can't piece it back together.
Diggie: how could u say that to me
cloud.kapri: i can't imagine how i'll put mine back together.
cloud.kapri: you fucked me up so bad
cloud.kapri: i dont fucking trust anyone
cloud.kapri: do you know how that feels?
cloud.kapri: no you fucking dont
cloud.kapri: go find some bitch to cuff
Diggie: you know how it feels to have the one u think the world of to tell u they dont givah fuck about u
cloud.kapri: obviously you didnt give a fuck about me when you lied
cloud.kapri: i have so much pure resentment towards you
cloud.kapri: and you know the type of bitch i am
cloud.kapri: so don't act so shocked
cloud.kapri: like i said, good bye.
cloud.kapri: go piece your life together.
cloud.kapri: one without me.
Diggie: omg
Diggie: ashlee stop please i cant be without u i need you ASHLEE please
Diggie: i fucked up ok i never meant to hurt you im sorry
Diggie: i WAS JUST being stupid
Diggie: please
Diggie: dont be like this
Diggie: please
Diggie: ashlee please
BUZZ!!!
Diggie: ashle
Diggie: ashlee**
Diggie: ashlee please talk to me
Diggie: i dont wanna be without u i cant
Diggie: please
Diggie: please ashlee iono what to fo
Diggie: do*
Diggie: i cant even think
Diggie: please talk to me
Diggie: please answer me
Diggie: Ashlee can iplease just say something to you please
Diggie: ion want it to end like that
Diggie: just answer please
Diggie: dont do me like this please
BUZZ!!!
Diggie: ashlee
Diggie: please answer
BUZZ!!!
Diggie: ashlee
Diggie: answer please
Diggie: ashlee can i ask u sumthin
Diggie: please
Diggie: please let me just ask u this one question
Diggie: it can be on here u dont have to answer the fone
Diggie: just answer me this
Diggie: will u answer?
Diggie: u there
Diggie has signed out. (12/14/2008 4:47 PM)
they never appreciate you until you're gone.
folks crazy these days
so like the new Kanye album has totally been my shit for the past couple of days. my best friend Telly said she hates that album. aye Tell, -middle finger- anyway, that shit be knockin though.
but i'm here now blogging because Josh told me too. -waves- heyyyyy Josh <3
but yeah, last night i went out or whatever. FINALLY after my cousins were done flexing and shit. my cousin Deanna be on some stupid shit when it come to niggas man. i swear that bitch get around a nigga and turn into a complete duck. i wanted to smack that bitch so hard man. anyway, my older cousin Shermel was hatin on a bitch hard, talking about my hair cut. she just mad that i aint let her bitch ass cut my hair. i'm sayin though, she be acting like she don't know how to cut my hair, and being that it's my first time ever going short, i wasn't about to trust it. plus too man, she be puttin all these hair products in my shit & i dont be liking that shit. yenno what i'm saying? yuh.
but yeah, me and my cousins ended up going to this spot called the Lavish Lounge on Clairmont Rd. it was between that and Figure Eight in Campbellton. anyway, my homeboy was throwing the party at the Lavish Lounge or whatever, so i decided there over Figure Eight. it was cool or whatever. of course ya bitch was scoppin for the bar though, tryna get loose. but Josh told me to lay off the drinking, ugh.
*i guess he don't want me to end up like that lil bitch Ebony he seen at the club. LMAO, this bitch was pissy drunk laying on the ground & shit with her friends tryna pick her up. fuckin mess right? lemme get to good part though, niggas was walking by the lil bitch pouring liquor on her ass. -death- folks crazy these days.
so we're at the club and shit, and i'm looking at everyone and thing to myself, "what the fuck am i doing here?" i look over at my cousins and they're enjoying themselves, its then when i remember. I am doing this for them. anyway, i'm sittin there at the club in these lounge chairs and shit, looking like a lonely bad bitch. LMAO, seriously though. Atlanta niggas make me sick, no fucking home training. this nigga walks up to me and grabs me telling me to dance with him. when i tell you i was about to reach back and slap the shit out of him, shit wasn't even cool. for real.
"come dance me me."
-"naw i don't dance"
"you too pretty to just be sittin here by yourself"
-"i don't dance, i'm sorry."
"come on, just one dance."
my face got soo tight man, this nigga making my blood hot. the fuck? he don't hear good or something? i'm not grinding on your little penis dude, ask one of them drunk hoes. man speaking of which, them hoes was gettin live as fuck. doing all kinds of nasty shit, like they was fucking and shit. YUCK. makes me sick to my face & stomach. the sad part was these bitches didn't even know how to get down. but hey, to each is own right? right.
after about an hour or so of just kicking it, Josh hits me up on yahoo. YES! finally, something to do and he couldn't have been the more perfect person. so we're talking or whatever, kickin it with a lil chit chat. it couldn've have been more than 15 and this nigga stops replying. =/ talk about a bitch being heated! i swear, these niggas have sensors or something because right when Josh stop writing back, this nigga comes and parks his ass right next to me. homeboy all in my ear and shit, asking me if i have a man and shit. little does he know, i'm rolling my eyes and shit. niggas always say the same shit, i swear.
*these are my confessions:
numero uno; i gave that nigga Telly's number.
numero dos; i drank ONE blue motherfucker =[ sorry, Josh.
...
anyway today, Latavia calls me. she telling me she's through with her nigga. nothing too new, but yeah i'm interested. i ask her why. tell me why her nigga was up at Lavish Lounge when i was there. ROFL, gots to be more careful. anyway, her homegirl took a picture of her man & some bitch dancing. the funnier part is her homegirl was one of the bitches i was talking about, yenno the ones that couldn't dance. like, i personally clowned her and her wardrobe & everything. the icing on the cake is that my friend's boyfriend was dancing with one of them nasty dancing bitches.
elaborate?
this nigga was sittin on the stage and this bitch was in his lap. yenno, nothing wrong with a lap dance. but naw, bitch i said naw. this bitch starting taking to new levels. shawty a freak, she was bouncing on that thang, porno style with one leg cocked up and err'thang. ayeee! if she was thick, i would've tipped her.
LMAOOOOOOOOOOO, check this though, before i left to go to the club though i asked her if she wanted to go with us. i wish she would've gone, i would've died a thousand deaths if she would've seen that nigga.
but yeah, she calls him on three way, once i confirmed i seen ol boy, he denies that he was at the club. ROFL, this nigga said he went to Primetime alone. who goes to the club alone? not i said the cat
raise your hand if you go to the club solo?
-crickets- don't worry, i'll wait.
niggas are so sad yo. like what the fuck is the point of lying? this nigga lied straight to her man, like with no flinch. NIGGA YOU WAS BUSTED BY TWO OF HER HOMEGIRLS! boy boy, i tell ya. folks crazy these days.
but i'm here now blogging because Josh told me too. -waves- heyyyyy Josh <3
but yeah, last night i went out or whatever. FINALLY after my cousins were done flexing and shit. my cousin Deanna be on some stupid shit when it come to niggas man. i swear that bitch get around a nigga and turn into a complete duck. i wanted to smack that bitch so hard man. anyway, my older cousin Shermel was hatin on a bitch hard, talking about my hair cut. she just mad that i aint let her bitch ass cut my hair. i'm sayin though, she be acting like she don't know how to cut my hair, and being that it's my first time ever going short, i wasn't about to trust it. plus too man, she be puttin all these hair products in my shit & i dont be liking that shit. yenno what i'm saying? yuh.
but yeah, me and my cousins ended up going to this spot called the Lavish Lounge on Clairmont Rd. it was between that and Figure Eight in Campbellton. anyway, my homeboy was throwing the party at the Lavish Lounge or whatever, so i decided there over Figure Eight. it was cool or whatever. of course ya bitch was scoppin for the bar though, tryna get loose. but Josh told me to lay off the drinking, ugh.
*i guess he don't want me to end up like that lil bitch Ebony he seen at the club. LMAO, this bitch was pissy drunk laying on the ground & shit with her friends tryna pick her up. fuckin mess right? lemme get to good part though, niggas was walking by the lil bitch pouring liquor on her ass. -death- folks crazy these days.
so we're at the club and shit, and i'm looking at everyone and thing to myself, "what the fuck am i doing here?" i look over at my cousins and they're enjoying themselves, its then when i remember. I am doing this for them. anyway, i'm sittin there at the club in these lounge chairs and shit, looking like a lonely bad bitch. LMAO, seriously though. Atlanta niggas make me sick, no fucking home training. this nigga walks up to me and grabs me telling me to dance with him. when i tell you i was about to reach back and slap the shit out of him, shit wasn't even cool. for real.
"come dance me me."
-"naw i don't dance"
"you too pretty to just be sittin here by yourself"
-"i don't dance, i'm sorry."
"come on, just one dance."
my face got soo tight man, this nigga making my blood hot. the fuck? he don't hear good or something? i'm not grinding on your little penis dude, ask one of them drunk hoes. man speaking of which, them hoes was gettin live as fuck. doing all kinds of nasty shit, like they was fucking and shit. YUCK. makes me sick to my face & stomach. the sad part was these bitches didn't even know how to get down. but hey, to each is own right? right.
after about an hour or so of just kicking it, Josh hits me up on yahoo. YES! finally, something to do and he couldn't have been the more perfect person. so we're talking or whatever, kickin it with a lil chit chat. it couldn've have been more than 15 and this nigga stops replying. =/ talk about a bitch being heated! i swear, these niggas have sensors or something because right when Josh stop writing back, this nigga comes and parks his ass right next to me. homeboy all in my ear and shit, asking me if i have a man and shit. little does he know, i'm rolling my eyes and shit. niggas always say the same shit, i swear.
*these are my confessions:
numero uno; i gave that nigga Telly's number.
numero dos; i drank ONE blue motherfucker =[ sorry, Josh.
...
anyway today, Latavia calls me. she telling me she's through with her nigga. nothing too new, but yeah i'm interested. i ask her why. tell me why her nigga was up at Lavish Lounge when i was there. ROFL, gots to be more careful. anyway, her homegirl took a picture of her man & some bitch dancing. the funnier part is her homegirl was one of the bitches i was talking about, yenno the ones that couldn't dance. like, i personally clowned her and her wardrobe & everything. the icing on the cake is that my friend's boyfriend was dancing with one of them nasty dancing bitches.
elaborate?
this nigga was sittin on the stage and this bitch was in his lap. yenno, nothing wrong with a lap dance. but naw, bitch i said naw. this bitch starting taking to new levels. shawty a freak, she was bouncing on that thang, porno style with one leg cocked up and err'thang. ayeee! if she was thick, i would've tipped her.
LMAOOOOOOOOOOO, check this though, before i left to go to the club though i asked her if she wanted to go with us. i wish she would've gone, i would've died a thousand deaths if she would've seen that nigga.
but yeah, she calls him on three way, once i confirmed i seen ol boy, he denies that he was at the club. ROFL, this nigga said he went to Primetime alone. who goes to the club alone? not i said the cat
raise your hand if you go to the club solo?
-crickets- don't worry, i'll wait.
niggas are so sad yo. like what the fuck is the point of lying? this nigga lied straight to her man, like with no flinch. NIGGA YOU WAS BUSTED BY TWO OF HER HOMEGIRLS! boy boy, i tell ya. folks crazy these days.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
bye bye boyfriend
this blog shit is all new to me, but hey i figured what the hell. plus, i mean all my other friends have these thingys. i guess i'll just follow along.
-sigh-
so nothing is really on my mind. i suppose i can start with the biggest event that has recently happened. -smiles- so i'm single, and i've got to say it feels good. i mean, should i be smiling about it? =/ either way, my boyfriend, rather ex boyfriend, was umm, -thinks of a nice way to put it- not for me. i mean, this nigga really fuckin played my ass. like seriously. i hate liars and i don't think they get any bigger than him.
elaborate?
lie numero uno: well first of all, him and i live about 20-25 min. away from one another & we never really saw each other =/. like wtf kinda shit is that right? so i ask him, "babe, how come we never, like, see each other or anything?" this bastard replys, "i dunno." you have go to be shitting me. so of course i was irritated and fucked up about the situation so i broke up with his ass. hoooray for me. UGH! this nigga runs away from home =/. at least that's what he tells me. comes to find out, he left on foot and managed to end up in Jonesboro, which is impossibly far for him to reach on foot in one night. i ask him how he got there and he tells me his friend dropped him off. smells like bullshit to me. so anyway, he calls me from a blocked number & i talk him into coming back home. ROFL, this nigga tells me that he found a prepaid phone with min. on it. BIG LOL @ that.
*oh he answers my question finally with an answer other than "i dunno". he tells me i'm intimidating. =/ what, he's not used to a bad bitch or something? -blushes-
lie numero dos: so him and i are still broken up or whatever, and he's all "suicidal" or whatever because "he loves me so much"-blah. he told me he left school & he was leaving his phone with his sister. -rolls eyes- yeah whatever. so apparently he leaves his house & goes to some unknown place, comes back home with a fuck shit ass attitude. mind you, i'm on the phone with his sister the whole time he is "gone." so yeah, i get off the phone with her for whatever reason just to recieve a text message from his phone reading "Sis, De passed out. i'm calling an ambulance." this nigga is really weird, and i'm thinking he will do anything. this lie is the one that did it for me, by the way. she doesn't call me back for a few hours & when she does call she tells me that he overdosed on drugs and had an allergic reaction to the drugs and was having trouble breathing on his own. i proceed to ask her what drugs he took and she couldn't even me an answer. talk about red flag. a bitch like me has watched one too many episodes of "House" to know that, that is complete and total bullshit. but i let her continue. a couple of hours pass and this chick finally has my answer. =/, bitch please. supposedly he overdosed on some over the counter arthritis medication and extacy. -rewind- but this nigga came home with a fuck shit attitude but was geeked on some X? nah son, this is a lie. she then tells me how he hasn't woke up yet, from being passes out. blah blah, i'm still on the phone with her and i'm gettin bored with this fake story so i change the subject and her & i are clowning on the phone. i dunno about you, but if my brother was hospitalized for an overdose, i wouldn't be clowning with some bitch on the phone. it isn't long til she tells me that he's awake and that he wants to talk to me. these fuckers must really think i'm fucking dumb. so i talk to him, and he's all sobbing and all "i love you baby" wahoo wahoo, yadda yadda. anyway, this nigga was up in the hospital on his lap top & all kinds of shit, fake talking to people and everything. it's really sad, because he really thinks that i believe him. anyway, he ends up being discharged after only 2 days & 2 nights. are you fucking kidding me. this nigga is "home" and he's all crying that he don't feel good, and in the back of my mind i thinking, "fuck nigga aint shit wrong with you." i do not talk to him that night. the next morning he texts me and tells me he's back in the hospital. i text him and tell him we need to talk. i basically confront this nigga about his lies. you would think he would admit his wrong, right? WRONG. this nigga goes on and on about "why don't you believe me babe?" NIGGA CAUSE YOU IS A LIE! finally after about 20 some odd texts back to back, he tells me he lied. smh, sad thing is he had his sister helping him lie. BIG LOL, like what the fuck kinda shit is that? anyway, he said he lied because he figured i wouldn't leave if i thought something was wrong with him. folks are so crazy these days. smh, and i'm still GONE!
*things could not have been this bad, yenno. if he just spent time with a bitch we could've maybe worked things out. key word, maybe. ALL I ASKED HIM FOR WAS TIME! but this nigga just had to lie. and then tell bad lies at that.
butttttt no, pandora's box was just beginning to open about his nigga. smh, not only does he not spend time with me, not only did he tell me long elaborate lies, but this nigga was sending pictures of his penis to other girls. onesthat just so happen to be my friend. if you're reading this, heyyyyy girl! lol, anyway, he does this which is just ugh, anddddd he's been having phone sex with hoes from CS. and not to mention telling ugly fat hoes how he wants to fuck them. -vomits-
-sigh-
gots to be more careful.i can't help but feel like i've wasted nearly a year on this nigga, and for what? i end up right where i started. not that i'm complaining really. i'm sort of emotionless towards the situation. i mean, shit happens right? good things don't last forever.
on another note, i swear all my friends are glad that nigga is out of my life. LMAO, that's pretty fucking sad. i have to admit though, he did suck when it came to my friends. for someone who didn't spend much time with me, he sure as hell didn't want me spending any of my time with anyone else. OOPS, i did what i wanted anyway. Speaking of which, shout outs to Sharina. she is probably the most happy out of all my friends about the break up. that's my nigga though, i love her. ugh, i'm so glad that fuck shit excuse as a man didn't ruin our friendship. because there were do many times when i thought he would. i suppose he hated Sharina because she really saw the person for who he really is. she's really good at shit like that, reading people that is.
uhh, that is all for now.
-sigh-
so nothing is really on my mind. i suppose i can start with the biggest event that has recently happened. -smiles- so i'm single, and i've got to say it feels good. i mean, should i be smiling about it? =/ either way, my boyfriend, rather ex boyfriend, was umm, -thinks of a nice way to put it- not for me. i mean, this nigga really fuckin played my ass. like seriously. i hate liars and i don't think they get any bigger than him.
elaborate?
lie numero uno: well first of all, him and i live about 20-25 min. away from one another & we never really saw each other =/. like wtf kinda shit is that right? so i ask him, "babe, how come we never, like, see each other or anything?" this bastard replys, "i dunno." you have go to be shitting me. so of course i was irritated and fucked up about the situation so i broke up with his ass. hoooray for me. UGH! this nigga runs away from home =/. at least that's what he tells me. comes to find out, he left on foot and managed to end up in Jonesboro, which is impossibly far for him to reach on foot in one night. i ask him how he got there and he tells me his friend dropped him off. smells like bullshit to me. so anyway, he calls me from a blocked number & i talk him into coming back home. ROFL, this nigga tells me that he found a prepaid phone with min. on it. BIG LOL @ that.
*oh he answers my question finally with an answer other than "i dunno". he tells me i'm intimidating. =/ what, he's not used to a bad bitch or something? -blushes-
lie numero dos: so him and i are still broken up or whatever, and he's all "suicidal" or whatever because "he loves me so much"-blah. he told me he left school & he was leaving his phone with his sister. -rolls eyes- yeah whatever. so apparently he leaves his house & goes to some unknown place, comes back home with a fuck shit ass attitude. mind you, i'm on the phone with his sister the whole time he is "gone." so yeah, i get off the phone with her for whatever reason just to recieve a text message from his phone reading "Sis, De passed out. i'm calling an ambulance." this nigga is really weird, and i'm thinking he will do anything. this lie is the one that did it for me, by the way. she doesn't call me back for a few hours & when she does call she tells me that he overdosed on drugs and had an allergic reaction to the drugs and was having trouble breathing on his own. i proceed to ask her what drugs he took and she couldn't even me an answer. talk about red flag. a bitch like me has watched one too many episodes of "House" to know that, that is complete and total bullshit. but i let her continue. a couple of hours pass and this chick finally has my answer. =/, bitch please. supposedly he overdosed on some over the counter arthritis medication and extacy. -rewind- but this nigga came home with a fuck shit attitude but was geeked on some X? nah son, this is a lie. she then tells me how he hasn't woke up yet, from being passes out. blah blah, i'm still on the phone with her and i'm gettin bored with this fake story so i change the subject and her & i are clowning on the phone. i dunno about you, but if my brother was hospitalized for an overdose, i wouldn't be clowning with some bitch on the phone. it isn't long til she tells me that he's awake and that he wants to talk to me. these fuckers must really think i'm fucking dumb. so i talk to him, and he's all sobbing and all "i love you baby" wahoo wahoo, yadda yadda. anyway, this nigga was up in the hospital on his lap top & all kinds of shit, fake talking to people and everything. it's really sad, because he really thinks that i believe him. anyway, he ends up being discharged after only 2 days & 2 nights. are you fucking kidding me. this nigga is "home" and he's all crying that he don't feel good, and in the back of my mind i thinking, "fuck nigga aint shit wrong with you." i do not talk to him that night. the next morning he texts me and tells me he's back in the hospital. i text him and tell him we need to talk. i basically confront this nigga about his lies. you would think he would admit his wrong, right? WRONG. this nigga goes on and on about "why don't you believe me babe?" NIGGA CAUSE YOU IS A LIE! finally after about 20 some odd texts back to back, he tells me he lied. smh, sad thing is he had his sister helping him lie. BIG LOL, like what the fuck kinda shit is that? anyway, he said he lied because he figured i wouldn't leave if i thought something was wrong with him. folks are so crazy these days. smh, and i'm still GONE!
*things could not have been this bad, yenno. if he just spent time with a bitch we could've maybe worked things out. key word, maybe. ALL I ASKED HIM FOR WAS TIME! but this nigga just had to lie. and then tell bad lies at that.
butttttt no, pandora's box was just beginning to open about his nigga. smh, not only does he not spend time with me, not only did he tell me long elaborate lies, but this nigga was sending pictures of his penis to other girls. onesthat just so happen to be my friend. if you're reading this, heyyyyy girl! lol, anyway, he does this which is just ugh, anddddd he's been having phone sex with hoes from CS. and not to mention telling ugly fat hoes how he wants to fuck them. -vomits-
-sigh-
gots to be more careful.i can't help but feel like i've wasted nearly a year on this nigga, and for what? i end up right where i started. not that i'm complaining really. i'm sort of emotionless towards the situation. i mean, shit happens right? good things don't last forever.
on another note, i swear all my friends are glad that nigga is out of my life. LMAO, that's pretty fucking sad. i have to admit though, he did suck when it came to my friends. for someone who didn't spend much time with me, he sure as hell didn't want me spending any of my time with anyone else. OOPS, i did what i wanted anyway. Speaking of which, shout outs to Sharina. she is probably the most happy out of all my friends about the break up. that's my nigga though, i love her. ugh, i'm so glad that fuck shit excuse as a man didn't ruin our friendship. because there were do many times when i thought he would. i suppose he hated Sharina because she really saw the person for who he really is. she's really good at shit like that, reading people that is.
uhh, that is all for now.
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