its 9:13 at night and the house is so quiet.
Taylor is sleeping, Prada is in his dog bed laid out and i'm here laying in the dark. i'm logged on to Y! on my sidekick not talking to anyone, listening to Drake flow through my headphones.
i feel like shit. the other night i slipped and fell on the ice outside my car. i tried to save myself from scratching up my face and ended up scraping the palm of my left hand, scraping left knee, and slamming down on my left elbow. my palm still feels like death, like its on fire. i managed to scrap off thick piece of skin, which i later ripped off cause the hanging skin was annoying me. my knee hurts so god damn bad, and my elbow won't stop hurting either. sucks.
the past couple of nights, well the last two nights really, i've been taking ambien cr as a sleep aide. shit is amazing, minus the fact that it works instantly. last night i was up talking to Josh laughing my ass off, and right before you know it i was out like a light. best comatized sleep i've had in ages. only problem is, is that i didn't have 8 hours to dedicate for sleep so this morning i looked and felt like a zombie.
me and Tay went to Fuji Yu Hibachi tonight. shit was amazing. i ordered the steak and shrimp and Taylor got the kid's shrimp. $1 sushi is tomorrow night, so i'll probably hit them up tomorrow for those california rolls dawg. yummmm.
after dinner i planned on taking her to this carnival they had out in the parking lot of Northlake Mall, but noooooo. that mother fucker don't even open til tomorrow. Tay and i were both hella bummed out. but we'll probably slide through during the weekend.
anyway, i went to the mall and got me and Tay some creative recreations. maybe its time that we stop matching, but i'm in love with the fact that we match. we already look alike, why not? right? yeah. after that we went to my sandal store and seen the cutest shoes for this summer. i love my bestfriend, Telly, so much that i called to confirm her shoe size and even got her some. i'm the bestest bestfriend ever. yeah i know.
Josh and i are constantly planning things for the summer and our future together. he basically blamed me for being the reason why he doesn't want to re-enlist in December. lmao, "i was going to re-enlist then YOU came along. said you'd give me a family and be my wife." -smiles-
i make his world go 'round. and me makes mine move in slow motion. i swear i have so much built up anger from years and years back, but when i'm talking to him nothing even matters. and when we we're not talking everything gets chaotic again. this is usually when i start thinking too much about things that shouldn't matter. the rest is downhill from there. the moral of the story is, i need him to be happy.
don't get me wrong, Taylor makes me more than happy. its a different form of happiness though. she makes smile and makes me laugh all the time, but when she's asleep or when she's not around that's when i cry about everything wrong.
ehh.
enough about that, Josh treats me so good. so good that sometime i'm sure how to react to things he says or does. i've honestly never had someone who genuinely wanted to do right by me or do anything for me with good intentions. there is always a catch. plus those other dudes i used to fuck with just weren't shit. and looking back on my past relationships i don't know how or why i put up with more than half the shit i put up with. i must be a fool.
"life is like a photograph. we develop from our negatives."
if that's true, who or what am i? sometimes i'm not sure. the end on that topic, i don't feel like being depressed.
you know what though, i really appreciate my friends. especially Telly and Mimi. Telly always makes me see the realer things in any situation. even if it might hurt my feelings, she is always real with me. since we've [Telly and i] been friends, i see myself changing and always in a positive direction. that bitch always telling me i need a mentor, but she's been it for 2+ years now. and Mimi, oh Mimi. she's my soulmate lol. no, but we're so much alike when it comes to numerous things and she's always there for me when i need to vent about stupid shit. if no one else can make me smile or laugh hysterically, she makes it happen captain. i'm so coming to Richmond to bump coochies with you my asian faced boo <3. haha, insider. please don't kill me Josh.
umm, the end.
