I had an epiphany this morning. Sometimes I just think about everything in my life or just shit that happened last night. In this case, I'm reflecting on the two real conversations I had last night: one with Josh and the other with Narada.

I hear it all the time from Irma. "Ash you're too damn nice," "You're nicer than me Ash" etc. And I realize that I am. I'm always trying to care about someone when I shouldn't. I'm always trying to make others people happy, when I shouldn't give a damn. I'm trying to make the next nigga feel happy, I'm trying to give the next nigga the benefit of the doubt when he or she fucks up when in actuality I shouldn't be. That nigga and that bitch don't give a damn about me, not foreal. A nigga may sit in your face, smile at you all day, say this and that all because he thinks he wants something. Key word, THINKS. That nigga don't want shit. Not foreal.

Man, Narada man is a cool nigga foreal. Usually when him and I converse its usually jokes and shit, but that nigga can really drop some real shit, real spit. Its crazy cause I never would've thought we would've had a real ass discussion about shit. He basically brought out this I don't give a fuck about nobody shit in me. It may not be the nicest thing, but its some shit I needed. Basically he was explaining to me why he don't care about the next bitch. The bitch don't do shit for him, literally. The bitch don't pay a bill nor does she take care of him. So shit, care about the bitch for what? NOT SHIT. Real fucking spit though. Like I said, it may not be nice or polite, but that's the reality of it.

Niggas and bitches alike walk around acting I owe them something. Prancing around, banging up their keyboards acting like I'm supposed to be on their dick, like I'm supposed to be their friend, like I need to talk to them everyday. I don't. What for? I'm only here to please one man only, and that's real. I don't even fuck with the majority of you niggas, cause I don't even like y’all.

All my real niggas know who they are and where they stand. I don't even have to say their names. So you phony niggas, don't look for your name is my shit. If you're looking for recognition in my shit, you already know you aint in on my shit. I don't know why you would give a fuck anyway.

Next.

Man, everytime I talk to Josh about and issue or something that raises my eye brow and I can always count on him to steer me the right way. Man, I don’t know, but that man has a gift foreal. I’m so thankful and grateful for that dude. But that’s another topic for another time.

Last night, after sharing a few things with him last night about past situations that nigga went in and went hard. I love when he gets like that by the way. But yeah man, he basically was like fuck these niggas too. Niggas is some haters on some real shit and acting like they so mighty. Niggas are grimey and don’t give a fuck about shit. Not even me, not themselves. Niggas can’t even be themselves anymore. LOL, niggas is mascots. But I aint even gonna get into that shit. I’m starting to feel how Josh feels about discussing other niggas.

 

“Niggas be bitch niggas though man. Like me, I don’t even like talkin about another nigga for too long unless they done pissed me off. I’m really uncomfortable discussing niggas for too long.”

-J. WIll

 

Well put baby. When you allow yourself to see what’s real and not what you want to be there, shit is like all clear to you. I was always stuck on what other people did to me, I couldn’t even see the shit these mother fuckers were doing right in front of my face. To be honest, the shit makes me sick to my stomach.

Man I’m not perfect nor am I pretending to be. It’s just shit about myself, my attitude and my life that I need to change and I see myself making these changes as soon as possible after I slept on shit from last night. I can not and I will not sit up here and pretend like I have never judged anyone, but man fuck it. I can’t judge nobody. Who the fuck am I to judge anyone anyway? I’m not God. But you know what I can do, I can read between the lines nigga.

I’m always watching. I’m always listening. I’m always noticing how you move nigga. I’ve always been doing that. I was just not analyzing as I should. It’s crazy though, cause I’m always analyzing, always. But now, now I done sat back and analyzed some shit, replayed this shit over and over in my mind. Niggas is sorry as fuck. Niggas aint happy foreal. Niggas hide behind what they have, boast about how much they got, what they gonna do and how the next nigga hating on them, constantly preaching, “Get like me nigga.” Sounds like a nigga that aint really happy to me, dog. Hiding behind these things, saying all these things don’t make it better. It only hurts you more cause you masking behind something that’s not you. And that’s real, on some Dr. Phil shit, my nigga.

I’m gonna say this though: real niggas don’t even have to stunt and even if a real nigga is stunting, believe me sweetie, he’s not trying to. Real niggas don’t talk shit, real niggas don’t give a fuck about no bitch or no nigga. A real nigga is all about moving forward and taking care of his. Real niggas don’t bring other niggas down. Remember that.

 

'”I don’t hate on no nigga man. I’m kinda like, do whatever you wanna do nigga. Get ya money, fuck ya bitches. Just leave me and mine alone.”

-J. WIll

Bruh if that aint some of the realest shit, I don’t know what is. It’s too bad y’all will never even get to know Josh. Not only does he NOT want to get know you, but I aint letting y’all get close to my baby. Incase you didn’t realize, I got my quotes are all from Josh. He’s the realest nigga I know.

But shit, I think I’m done. Catch a bitch on the flip though. I’ll holla.

 

Killaaaa™