no one should ever make you question what kind of person you are.
easy said. easy to do. unless of course its done by someone you care about. makes me question like, why even decide to care about others? should you do it out of common courtesy? why, when they're only gonna hurt you.
people only pretend to care about you. they pretend, so you'll trust them, and once you trust them they'll take what they want and leave. like a spoiled fucking child who always wants, wants, wants. you can say yes to all of the above, and the first time you say no, they treat you as though you've never said yes to their ass. ungrateful little assholes.
no one likes to be taken for granted.
I took a step back and evaluated my life and those around me now. the list of people I hate is far greater than those I love or that I care about. honestly I don't think its such a bad thing, to someone else it might be outrageous. and you know what, as I now sit and think about it more and more, the people I hate, I'm starting to hate them more and more. and I know you're not supposed to hate people or whatever, but I truly hate a lot people.
anyway, I had a talk this weekend. the topic was friends. I honestly don't think I need any friends. I never ask anyone for anything anyway. someone told me that everyone needs friends. no matter how hard you try to play tough, everyone needs a friend. then I got sad because it was true. there's nothing like having someone to share laughs with and share your secrets with. but shit, copy and paste my third paragraph here. friends aint shit, cause people aint shit. Dommie-O says fuckem.
my friends are the ones that know of my conditions, and are gonna be there when I have my procedures. my friends are ones that know my daughter and have a relationship with her. my real friends are the ones I take to family functions and have a relationship with my family. I bet that doesn't sound like you, huh?
you know, if your someone's friend, wouldn't you take a bullet for them, right? I'd scrap, fight and lose, and take a bullet for my friends. which one of you would do that for me? =/ don't all answer at once.
I don't even know if this blog makes any sense or if I'm just rambling about a bunch of nothing. I don't know, but I'm having one of those days where I don't wanna talk to anyone and I just wanna be alone.
all I wanna see is my babygirl when I get off work, and see that lights work when I get home. that is all.
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anyway, I talked to my grandma today. she wants me to go back to college. I promised her I would. I promised her I'd have a ranch with horses. I gotta make that happen.
man, when I feel like I have no one, my family always comes through. I know I'm not the nicest person, I'm the most respectful person, but I'll do anything for my family. we collide terribly, time and time again, but those are my niggas.
"if you love your nigga, hug your nigga."
I met up with Mary for lunch today. I miss her face. she's getting ready to move back out to California. her talking about it made me realize that I'm actually gonna miss her and miss our fights. I'm gonna miss her getting on my nerves. I'm gonna miss everything. as much as we fight and say fucked up shit to each other, I love her. honestly, I do.
with her leaving, and my relationship being the way it is, my move to Kentucky in little over a year shouldn't be hard for me. I'll be leaving my family behind, but I'll be near new family and my new BFF Wild Child <3.
ididntspellcheck.
