man, i didn't even realize the date until i drove by the cemetery. in a couple of days it'll be the triplet's birthday [March 19th to be exact] and they would've been 5 years old. every so often i think about how things would've been with them here with us, the family. mason, mackel, mackenzie and taylor all together playing-the two boys together and the two girls together.
its crazy because a week or so before their passing, i lost my great aunt. man my mom looks so much like her. i didn't even go to neither her wake or to her funeral/going home memorial because it scared me to see her dead. it would've been like seeing my mom. =/ the end.
anyway, i'm going to have to go by the store this weekend to get them a gift for their graves. i wonder how my cousin is going to take it. i've been talking to her off and on this week, and she's been pretty cheerful, which is good. i know she's going to need us all next week though.
i hate talking about death. even thinking about it. i know that its inevitable and we all must die per se, but idk.
my mom is mad at me. i haven't really being taking any of my medications. and for how long? beats me. i'm tired of taking pills and injecting myself multiple times a day. if everything happens for a reason, and if our lives are already predestined, why bother? if i'm going to die, then i'm going to die.
i'm not really religious or anything, but i do believe there is a "higher power" or whatever. sometimes i wonder why things happen they way they do, or why do certain things happen to me. i usually try to ignore it or not think about it. i don't want to be upset with God, and being as we haven't spoken in a while, i just...idk. i just feel like He stopped listening.
go ahead and tell me i'm going to hell now. i don't give a fuck.
yeah.
