mannn, i haven't blogged in so long. so you already know yall, my readers, are in for some good reading & what not. anyway, i suppose i'll chapter this shit off since i'm covering ALOT of days.
SLURP & BURP
so uhh, me and Telly got this one female friend or what not. she has been complaining about her boyfriend or what have you. yenno, talking about that nigga creepin, sleezin, sleepin around and shit. sooooooo, she wanted us to come with her to ride by his house to see if he has some bitch over there. Telly said she just wanted a ride over there, since she aint have no car, lol. i mean shawty talking all big like "ima kill his ass if a bitch over there", "ima bring my pistol with me, i'll shoot his ass", yenno crazy shit like that. but anywayyyyyy, so me and Telly agree that we'd both go if the other went. so it's the night of or whatever & neither one of us have yet to get a phone call from ol girl so we basically thinking shawty flexing on us. so shit, me and Telly both in the bed & shit watching tv; doing our normal routine before bed. no homo. i get a phone call from my homeboy's phone. mind you, me, him & Telly used to be like the 3 amigos and shit. so i'm like "my niggaaaaa!" and i answer the phone & it's ol girl. =/ whattttttt.
-rewind- she has a history of liking him or whatever. like she's been wanting to give him the business since 07 and shit.
she's all like, "Dante is over here Ashlee, you coming over?" i tell her yeah, and inform Telly, who is still on the house phone, that she's coming to the east side and that we're going to shawty's house.
*this ho complaining and shit, about what she's gonna wear and shit.
Telly: "what ima wear though?"
Me: "a thermal with some jeans & uggs, that's what i'm wearing."
Telly: "i dont have a thermal."
Me: "yes you do, the white one you wore to the studio that one time."
Telly: "oh yeahhh"
Me: "yeah ho, i know your whole wardrobe"
so i call my homegirl or whatever and tell her that me & Telly both gonna come through or whatever. or did Telly call and tell her? either way, a phone call was made and we told her we were on the way. Telly gets to my house and all crunk and shit ready to see some action. of course me being me, i wasn't ready yet. i rush to the bathroom to run the flat iron through my hair until i'm hit with the news. "it's raining outside dawg, you might as well not even waste your time." double u-tee-eff! me, rain & my hair do not get along together. but whatever, Telly informs me to pin my hair up & i do it like she's my mom and shit. so i put on my uggs, and we're on the way out running to the car so our hair doesn't get wet.
Telly: "which way do i go?"
Me: straight
we're on our way, and i don't even realize that this bitch went straight ANDDDD turned left until i notice that we're sitting at a red light.
Me: "who told you to turn left?"
Telly: "I DIDN'T, I WENT STRAIGHT AND...oh, i turned left too."
-deadddd
this bitch goes through the light and halfway whips Carmen [her truck] around to go right back through it, but the light turnes red. LMAO, our asses are fucking blocking the WHOLE street like it's all good. we're cracking up and shit, cause i don't understand for one. but hey, when you're with me & Telly, shit goes down. so anyway, we're listening to Keyshia Cole's new album or whatever on the way there & eating jolly ranchers and shit. straight chillin and jammin.
*the track "Where This Love Could End Up" is on and it's jiggin and shit. we're at another stop light or whatever, after exiting the expressway, and this bitch Telly has a fucking dance to this part of the song. this bitch had both hands up in the air with the pointer finger up on both hands, bouncing her shoulders. i was too dead, cause this bitch was too for real.
anyway, we pull up to ol girl's house and i call her to open the door and shit. this bitch aint answering. i call my homeboy phone & he's not answering. i'm lookin at the house & i see lights on, so i'm looking at Telly like, "mannnn what the fuck." finally i look up and shawty at the door or whatever, cause we were about to get pissed. wasting gas is NOT our steelo. anyway, we walk up to the house & me and Telly thinking the same thing. "what the fuck this ho got on mayne?" mind you it's december, it's raining outside, but this bitch got on a mini skirt & blouse that's ALLLLLLL the way open with her tits hanging all out. =/ i don't know about you, but i don't get half naked when my homeboy's or homegirl's come over and shit. i'm at the house, shit. a bitch will wear sweats. but i guess that's just me and Telly.
but yeah man, we up stairs chillin and shit, kicking and shit. me & Telly aint seen the homie Dante in a minute so we had to dap & hug a nigga up and shit. anyway, we waiting for her to get crunk with her boyfriend drama and shit, but she flexing yet again. so we talking, yadda yadda. me and Telly talking with our inside jokes and shit, clowning. i realize they feel left out. OOPS!
*for some strange reason people think me & Telly look alike. i guess we hang out so much we look alike or some shit? -shrugs- maybe it's the short hair cuts & the pitch black hair. usually i hate when people tell me i look like other people, buttttt Telly a bad bitch, so i'll take that.
after about 30-45 minutes of lolly-gagging and shit, she calling this nigga. LMAO, he don't even answer the phone, so she calls from Dante phone & he answers. -dead-
Latavia: "where you at?"
him: "who is this?"
Latavia: "who you think it is? who it sound like? YOUR GIRLFRIEND!"
him: "oh..."
Latavia: "you at home?"
him: "yeah"
Latavia: -cuts him off- "well i'm about to come over."
him: "nah i'm at home, but not at home, home"
i dunno about you, but that sounds suspect as hell. i'm in between trying to hold my laugh in and tryna coach this bitch so she don't go off so we can sneak over there & catch his ass. she decided to go upstairs and change her clothes for the occasion--like wtf occasion you had these clothes on for? folks crazy these days. so she goes upstairs, and that's when Dante comes over and sits by me & Telly. oh, he was sittin on the couch with her and shit. me being the bitch i am, i asked him what's up with them, like why they sittin on the love seat sofa and why she all naked and shit. he hangs his head low, "man, she slurped me up?"
me & Telly: "SHE WHATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT"
and it dawns on me, that's what they were probably doing when we were calling they asses and they weren't answering the phone. -dead-
she comes back downstairs & we're acting like everything is everything like we don't know what REALLY went on. she go outside to smoke a cigarette, so i go with her cause i have plans on asking her what happened. so i'm outside with her and shit choppin it up.
me: "so, what chu and Dante do while me and Telly were on our way."
Lataiva: "nothing."
me: "nothing?"
Latavia: "nah, nothing."
me: "word."
i'm dying on the inside man, cause i know my nigga wouldn't lie to me mayne. and this wouldn't the the fist time she ever denied anything. so whatever, i just play it off. -fast forward- we going outside gettin ready to load up in Carmen, saying our goodbyes to Dante. so i'm crunk thinking we about to see some action & Telly puts in the new T-Pain cd. THAT'S MY SHIT! "Chopped & Skrewed" comes on & i'm crunk as shit ready for Luda's part. anywayyyy, dude live right up the street & shit, which is good. we ride by. NOTHING. we aint see him, we aint see no bitches, the weed man, no nothing.
man what the fuck.
me and Telly kinda pissed. her more so me cause she drove all the way from her house [30 min to my house & another 20 from my house to Latavia's house] to see a bunch of nothing.
*shit, good thing gas hella cheap right now. like i was saying, we drop her off & roll out. i'm trying to make the best out of it, gettin crunk man, dancing in the car. i love Carmen, so i gotta show her some love. everytime i get into the front seat, i'm always freaking that shit.
"YOU DANCE LIKE A STRIPPER!"
-blushes- that's all i hear from the driver's side. lmao, i know i be twerking that shit. anyway, last dance of the night, i crank the poole palace. Telly pull up to the crib, we say our talk to you laters & call me when you get homes and she's off.
final thought; how she gonna be mad at her boyfriend for "creepin" and she was just at the house sucking my homeboy up with that slobby mouth? i'm just saying, shit sounds a little off to me. if you creepin, he can't creep? you get what you recieve mayne, real shit. plus i dunno why she lied to me anyway about not serving him up. i thought we was friends and shit. ITS JUST HEAD, dang. let a bitch in on the goods & shit. anyway, shout outs to Dante for being the only truthful nigga for the night.
HUMAN SIZE PISS
so after christmas and shit, i've been killin this Kunf Fu Panda movie. i don't give a damn if it was orginally for Taylor, i watch that joint more than her. that movie fucking goes hard. i've been tryna tell Josh he needs to hop on the panda train, but he doesn't even wanna go.
like i was saying...
so i was up late one night on yahoo talking to babylove and i've got KFP on replay on my dvd player, i notice that Prada gets up from his slumber. nigga is out from his bed & blanket in the corner, stretching and shit. so i'm all talking to my boo boo in a baby voice, "hey my baby, are you awake?"
*every since Prada moved back in with me from my grandma's house, he's been my baby all over again & shit. that nigga has been missing my lovin too.
anywayyyyy, so i notice this nigga just lookin at me or whatever in the middle of my floor. nigga not excited to see me or something? pssh, whatever. so i continue talking to Josh on yahoo <3. so i get up for whatever reason, probably go get a snack or something since Josh & i have been doing some ill 3 and 4 am snackin, and i turn the light on a see my floor glistening. i'm like what the fuck is that. lemme tellllllllll you shawty, it looked like someone dumbed a big QT cup of some clear drink on my floor, like 3 yards of liquid and shit.
MOTHERFUCKING PRADA TOOK A HUGE PISS ON MY FLOOR!
like i'm talking a huge ass, big ass grown man piss. like, seriously though. even bounty, the quicker picker upper, couldn't even get all that piss up. a bitch had to use a towel, a mop, and chlorox clean up for that shit. i was too livid. that bitch had my room smelling like straight bleach for hours. thennnnn on top of that, that bitch is all back in his bed like he aint do shit. i tell Josh about it & Josh thinks it's the funniest thing in the world. =/ i'm yellin and cussin Prada's ass the fuck out. "GET THE FUCK OUT MY ROOM BITCH!" i kicked that fucking bitch out my room. his fucking ass is NOT allowed in my shit for a while now. he's back at grandma's til futher notice. i'm holding a grudge. yeah, so what nigga, i'm beefin with my maltese.
