so i'm sittin here listening and singing Paramore at the top of my lungs, and i said to my self, "i think i'll blog about some shit today." and my self replied back, "hell yeah folk."
so here i am.
so i'll start with recent shit, and work myself back because i can't remember shit off the top of my head right now. and being as i haven't really posted anything to really read per se, i would say that it was important that i remember some of this shit for you guys. you feel me? yuh.
last night was so interesting. i actually spent time with my mother, which is a first. yenno, we watched tv together for hours and we actually talked. like, on some g shit. it felt like i was meeting my mother for the very first time in my life.
i dunno, growing up i can remember my mom up until about second grade in elementary school. like i can remember her being there when i was in preschool, picking me up and being proud of me at my ballet recitals. i remember the smile on her face when i graduated from preschool, and that trip we took to Disney World. i can remember her helping me sell girl scout cookies when i was in kindergarten and picking me and my elementary school bestfriend Ashley up and taking us to the park. i remember how she used to watch me at the stables when i rode horses and being at my horse shows, smiling at me when i won my ribbons. then second grade happened, and she stopped believing in me or something. i dunno what happened, because of course i was a small child at the time.
but i just remember getting into trouble over something that was written in my diary as a child, but i did not write it. i remember her yelling at me and telling me to tell the truth. dear God, and i walking through those double doors at Kaiser Permanente to see the psychiatrist like there was something wrong with me. there was nothing i wanted more in the world for my mother to be proud of me. til this day i can remember our conversation. i told her that if she did this to me i would never talk to her again, ever. ha, a very outspoken child i was. and very mature for my age. but then again that's what they say about all children that are the only child. anyway, the point is i have never really spoken to her since that day. of course i went along with procedure and talked to the doctor and she did her job. there was nothing wrong with me. i did not lie, but my mother was not convinced.
my mother was the type of parent that was consumed with her job. she is a cardiac registered nurse, so she worked from the time i went to school til about 6 in the evening or later. from the time i started middle my mother was never really around. i was old enough to walk the 5 or so odd blocks to school, and so i did every morning.
from 6th grade up until graduation, my life and my mother's life were separate. i don't blame my mother for not being around, well yeah i do. because i don't see why she tried to get to know me or ask me how my day was. to this day i don't understand how you could choose your job over your child. i keep saying i don't blame her for all the shit i got into, like smoking and underage drinking, but in the end i do blame her.
my memories haunt me, and i have a lot of resentment towards her, but i'm grown now so whatever. it doesn't matter.
it's just a child should not have to grow up on it's own, ever. teaching themselves everything about life. living and learning their way through the world by pick and choose. i basically taught myself everything in life. i taught myself about people, who was real, who you should love and who you should care for. i taught myself to be a mother and how to be responsible.
it was just nice to finally talk to her, and have a conversation with her without all the yelling and the animosity and shit. i mean, i love my mom though. because...well aren't you supposed to love your mother? but i don't understand. don't get me wrong, i did not open up to her like an encyclopedia book or some shit, but i did piece her in a fraction of my life. i just don't trust her, but then again how can you trust someone you haven't spoken to in over a decade? in reality, we are still broken. but the experience was nice.
...i'm so done talking about this.
in other news, Josh and I are great. amazing even. -smiles- he's the most perfect person for me, i swear it. buttttt i'm not going to make you niggarachies gag on the subject of me and my significant other. just know that we're amazing. i'll update you guys on the wedding date and shit, LMAO!
speaking of which, Josh met Taylor. it was soooo freaking funny. she was like, "whaddup Jo!" when i gave her the phone to talk to him.
ironically, a few days before that when he called i was in the car with my cousins Breanna, Deanna, Tomika, and Breanna's boyfriend David. anyway, Breanna asked me who i was on the phone with, and i said Josh. this bitch, "Jo Jo!" and then Deanna piped in, "how does it feel to have Vanessa as a sister?" i had to let that one marinate for a minute, but then realized she talking about them damn girls from Run's House and shit. harhar hoes. =/ so yeah, that made it even funnier that Taylor called him Jo. but yeah, she basically copies everything he says. -shrugs- she must think he's funny or something. haha, i'm glad they like each other though.
which reminds me, me him and Telly bullshitted on the phone for an hour or so. it was the funniest shit ever. yet another person that thinks Telly and I sound alike. not only do we say alot of the same expressions, but we sound alike too. i was so deadd.
Josh ass, "which one of yall said that?"
it was so funny. its always funny when Telly and I are on the phone with a guy. we completely take over. well we're just some bitches that run shit anyway.
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL, so i called my mom on the house phone while they were both on my cell phone on a conference call. and Josh was like, "DAMN! you loud, put the phone down." mind you i'm on the phone with my mom, so i'm not really paying much attention to the conference call, and my mom said something...i don't really remember what it was...but i was like,"yeah, aight." Telly was like, "whatttt, did you just...???" i was like, "nah nah, i'm on the phone with Paulette." she let out a big WHEW!
haha, if you don't know, i have never like never ever ever ever done what i guy has told me to do. i'm so hard headed and headstrong. plus, i'm just to being the dominate one in relationship.
then here goes Josh, "nah she was saying aight to me, shit. she know i run it!" LMAO, it was so damn cute. lol, yeah baby you run it, aight? i aint gonna front, he wears the pants in the relationship, but only cause i let him. so don't it fool you. so you know what that means right? i'm actually running things, nahmsayin? yeahdat.
ohhhh yeah, last thing. so yesterday, Josh and I stayed home. not on purpose to talk to one another ALL day or anything like that, i was just having a bad day at work and my boss sent me home. but yeah, we ended up talking ALL day and shit. we are so lame, we did like photo share and shit on yahoo and were showing each other pictures. like...yeah. anyway, the point i'm trying to make here is that Josh looks like such a white boy AND he poses for pictures. BIG LOL, well he posed in the one picture. i was freaking dead. too bad i didn't save the picture to my computer cause i would've totally posted that bitch. but yeah, we're having babies and shit and we're going to live happily ever after.
he loves me, i love him.
fin.
