STORY #1
me : "aye, remember when me & Telly went to Columbus?"
me : "...I mean..."
-silence-
him : "yeah? when yall go to Columbus?"
me : [whispers to Telly] "...damn, i fucked up huh?"
Telly : "we at the mall and shit, up at Macy's at Stonecrest Mall."
-me & Telly cracking up-
DEAD!
STORY #2
folks crazy man lemme tell you something. ROFL, so Telly mom bought her some days of the week drawls for christmas! deaddddd. i thought it was a pretty crunk gift, i'd wear the fuck up out them panties, real talk. lmao, but Telly ass mad as hell.
"hell naw Ashlee, she tried me. she bought me and XL, i wear a MEDIUM!"
i died a thousand deaths, no lie. i could hear her mom talking in the background talking.
"they're MUDD panties, so i figured that they ran small."
and that's when my ass chimed in.
"oh hell yeah, i bought some MUDD panties in my size [medium of course] shawty, i tried to put the bitches on and they clamped so tight on my pussy. shit left red marks all up on my skin, i had to cut them bitches off with some scissors"
DEATHHHHHHHH! true story man. =[ those panties are the devil in disguise.
STORY #3
i'm saying though, so we're on the phone and shit and i don't know why, but we started talking about "the perfect nigga" well, at least the physical aspects at least. this is what we came up with.
me : a dread head girl
Telly : some sexy crinkle dreads with a rubber band in his head to hold his dreads back
me : yesss girl, lawdddd
Telly : with a Polo on with some khaki's and some Prada shoes
me : or some Gucci shoes, yenno the red, green and black ones but he gotta have jeans on with the rips in em
Telly : wearing a thermal with the Gucci belt to match...UNBUCKLED though
me : ohhh yes! make him sexy light skinned
Telly : naw
me : you right, you right...sexy caramel with a tattoo on his neck AND his hand
Telly : oh yes girl, i like a tat on the neck. and he gotta have his ears pierced BOTH sides
me : and when he roll his thermal up he's sleeved up on BOTH arms, black & gray only
Telly : maybe some red
me : NO!
Telly : no red?
me : okay, maybe on his neck tattoo
Telly : ooooh, mhm
me : and he gotta have a goatee, i like them shits. oh and he gotta be tall girl, like 6'4 or 6'5
Telly : hell yeah
me : not skinny like a basketball player, his body gotta be on point
Telly : yeah girl
me : he can have a football player body, yenno like a wide receiver or some shit anddd he's 23. that's a good age right?
Telly : yeah, we don't want him too old
me : what about 24 or 25?
Telly : don't make him over 25 girl
me : aight girl, he's either 23 or 24, i don't care
Telly : what car he drive girl?
me : an Avalanche girl, a white one
Telly : oh hell yeah
me : and he's waiting to pick his car up from valet & he's holding a Tiffany's bag
Telly: wait, what the fuck? did you see this nigga or something?
DEADDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!
STORY #4
so Telly talked to one our homeboys right? i swear Telly can be an airhead sometimes, but i'ma let her slide with this one since she's around babies monday-friday. anyway, so this nigga tell her, "i brought the best pull up kit today." you know what this ho said?!
"you mean like the diapers?"
dhfvogvjrwlgtmergoml! right over her head.
STORY #5
this is just a random, it's nothing recent or anything but this shit is soooo funny.
pause. -takes a shot of smirnoff-
but yeah, like i was saying, so i spent like a three day weekend over at Telly's last summer. yenno, just to get away or whatever from Paulette.
"what is that bottle of liquor doing in your room Ashlee?"
[mind you i was under 21 at the time] "uhh...ion'eem know mom."
"POUR IT OUT!"
shittin me, i'm a alcohol feen, so a bitch like me poured that shit in an empty hawaiian punch bottle & brought it with me to Telly's house. we drank with her brother outside on the curb g. some straight hood g shit. i tried to tell yall i'm hood. anyway, Telly mixed that shit with a lil lemonade made her brother [shout outs to him] & lemme tell you that shit was knockin.
but yeah, jane came to visit Telly that night or early that next morning. whichever, cause i don't remember. i just remember waking up and it was still dark out and feeling her get up out the bed. this bitch took the blanket with her, and returned 30 minutes later with the blanket around her sittin at the foot of the bed rockin back and forth. so i'm worried and shit cause she's rocking like she's insane.
me : Telly you aight man? -rubs eyes-
Telly ass just rockin.
me : you aight man?
Telly STILL silent.
me : oh aight then.
ROFL, my fucking ass goes right back to sleep. =[ ily Telly.
...
so last night me & Josh had our first fight. -sigh- it really sucked, but it really wasn't that bad of a fight compared to other couple's fights per se. i dunno, i guess we were both in bad moods. we basically just didn't talk to each other. i told him not to hit me later. -frowns- i suck man. it was really hard not talking to him and being without him last night. especially after i spend SOOOO much time talking to him. it's weird though, cause he didn't chase after me. it's only weird because i'm used to guys always chasing after me when i get mad, but his ass really didn't hit me up til the next morning. i learned my lesson, but i respect that shit. him not chasing me, that is. that's some real nigga shit. -smiles- like a bitch was sayin, i can't be without my baby. i know that for sure.
...
today was cool though, i took Prada shopping today. that's my little man yo. we balled out at mother fucking PetSmart. i got him some clothes, sweaters, booties, a new collar, new leash, some toys & some dog treats. he's gotta have a ballin ass christmas too, shit.
* ROFL, Josh can't stand Prada. he told me he's gonna kick him out =[. over my dead body Josh! he's just jealous cause Prada gets to lay up on my boobies and sleep between my legs & in the bed with me at night. <3 i dunno why Josh is so jealous, he knows when he comes to Atlanta & scoops me in the Charger -dead- that he can lay up with me ALLLLL day if he wants to.
